Just The Kick Up The Ass I Needed!

Soooo last night for the first time in a year I made my way back to BarCode in Soho to do a gig at Comedy Camp. The last time I did it I'd just got back from Hong Kong, and I had a really bad dose of Hong Kong pooey. The last thing I felt like doing was a gig but I didn't wanna let Simon, whose club it is, down at very short notice.

I was jet lagged and not in a great headspace when he dropped the news that a "critic" was gonna be coming along to review me. I knew that there was no way in a billion years he was gonna write anything good, so I was pissed off long before the gig even began.

Needless to say, I was right. He slagged me off like I've never been slagged off in my life! Oh well, chalk it up to Karmic payback. I once slagged off Kajagoogoo in Smash Hits, so we're all fair and square.

At that point I'd lost a fair amount of weight and some of my old material was in no way relevant, but I was suffering from some kinda writer's block and a bit pre-occupied with events offstage in my life, so I wasn't confident in what I was delivering either. And to put it frankly, I was bored with the gags!

Anyway I sulked and avoided doing the gig for a full 12 months, until last night, when I returned armed with a brand new 20 minute set to go with my brand new titties and face! Guess what folks? It killed!!!!!! I had a fantastic gig and was dead proud of myself for doing the new stuff, some of which had only surfaced as one liners at the Comedy Cafe last weekend!

To add the icing on an already fabulous comedy cake, before the show started I was sitting backstage with Chris Neill, who was excellent by the way, when the guy off the door came and said there was someone asking for me at the door. I was expecting my pal Steve but it wasn't him, it was my old mate Ross Noble!!!! I cannot even remember the last time I saw Ross, but I have a horrible feeling it was like six years ago in Melbourne! He'd just flown in from Oz and was out and about to stave off the inevitable jet lag, and he chose my gig to keep him awake! No pressure then eh?

I've known Ross for billions of years and even with his huge success he's still the same cool, kind guy he always was. Sometimes the right people get success!

Today I had a little dose of culture - after having a spray tan for a special outing this weekend - I had an invite to a private view of Cy Twombly's retrospective at the Tate Modern. What a treat it was too!!!! I have to be honest, some of the early stuff didn't really 'do it' for me, but the later works like the four part Quattro Stagioni and the sheer beauty of Hero and Leander just blew me away. Check it out people!

Across the way was the Street and Studio: Urban History of Photography show, which if you like yer photographs, is pretty essential viewing. There's some fascinating photos from the late 19th century, stuff by Weegee and Mapplethorpe, Cecil Beaton, all of the greats and some great unknowns. This pair of shows will enliven the dullest of British 'summer' afternoons, trust me.

Tomorrow I am off up to Leeds for a one off gig at Jongleurs and as usual with that club I am very excited to be doing it. See you there!

One Step Beyond...

Shoreditch was my destination gig-wise last weekend, and what a cracking weekend it was!

Following my all too brief sojourn in the theatre, it's back to the circuit with a vengeance! MC'ing the Comedy Cafe, with one of the strongest bills I've ever introduced there - Steve Williams (who I saw perform for the first time and who I totally loved watching!), the gorgeous Nick Revell and the fabulous Ricky Grover. Thursday we had the addition of a new - to me - act called Steve Whiner who was just amazing too, bonus!

The Cafe used to be a bit of a comedy battleground back in the day. The crowds were lairy and it was always an "us and them" situation. Not any more, and certainly not this weekend! It was just incredibly laid back, and the kinda gig where you could try out a half formed idea and turn it into a routine over the course of three gigs. Which is exactly what happened to me and I was only the MC! I've come away with a blinding new gag and a whole new routine! How fantastic.

I was talking on Saturday night to Nick about the vibe in the room, and he said a lot of it was down to the tone I set as MC - which was very kind of him. I said it reminded me of a gig that used to run in Islington called the Meccano Club. You could go there with an idea and try it out and the audience would give you the space to do that. It makes for a special evening for both act and audience alike.

So that was all marvellous. The daytimes were pretty good too, bit of shopping, some beauty treatments, and a meeting on Saturday in Wimbledon with a representative of the company who are organising my 'surgery holiday' to Malaysia in October.

As the NHS cannot even sit down to discuss whether or not to pay for most of the surgery I need to rid myself of the rest of the loose skin, I've turned to a company called Gorgeous Getaways. The prices are incredible, a fraction of UK charges, but that's not the reason I am using them particularly. In addition to a far longer stay in hospital than you get here, you also get recovery in a 5 star hotel, with a nurse coming to see you every day to help you wash and change your dressings and anything else you might need. As a single woman, this is the kind of aftercare I need.

The package I've chosen is wonderful, two weeks recovery in Kuala Lumpur - which I am so excited about visiting - and then seven nights in am spa resort in Malaysia where they have an orangutang sanctuary!!!!! Plus, the nurse etc! How cool is that???? Massages and monkeys!!!!!!!!!

Sunday evening saw me getting all dressed up and heading off to the Colony Room in Soho. My pal Stephen K Amos was filming a tv show called 'Suggs in the City' there. Incidentally a huge congratulations to Steve who won a Royal Television Society award last night for his documentary Batty Boy! Well done babe!

Anyway, I'd heard of this club, but never been inside which is odd considering my Soho drinking career had led me to some very, very salubrious joints over the last 30 years. I knew that my art idol Francis Bacon drank there back in the day, Jeffrey Bernard was a regular, along with just about every other London character ever. I was dying to see what it looked like!

It was so small that they have to have the green room upstairs in a Japanese restaurant across the road and that was where I met Steve. The other guests were Jools Holland, Lisa Stansfield and The Dirty Pretty Things. We met Suggs who I feel like I know, but don't. I guess its cos I've watched him grow up really. I remember getting into see one of Madness's early gigs at the Nashville in West Kensington when John Lydon couldn't!

Jools I haven't seen to talk to since Malcolm Hardee's 50th birthday which has gotta be about eight or nine years ago now. I knew there was no chance he'd remember or even recognise me - I don't look much like I did back then! So I introduced myself and reminded him. It was great to catch up and reminisce about a great mate.

The show was filmed with an audience and gawd knows how we all managed to get into this teeeeeny tiny room!!!!! It might be a member's club, but the Colony sure aint no Soho House!!! I loved it tho. All bright green gloss paint on the walls and paintings, cuttings, sketches etc from the illustrious members over the years. It was sooo grungy and seedy. One other thing it was, was HOT!!!! It was hot before they put they lights on and almost unbearable when they did! Thank god I am half the woman I was. I had a slight glow and no more, not like some of the people around me who were sweating buckets!

The recording went fairly smoothly, Steve was hilarious, as was Jools. Suggs is an excellent host who made it all look very easy. Dirty Pretty Things were fantastic, I really wanna go see them do a full gig now. Lisa - I suspect - had been making good use of the rider...it'll be interesting to see how much makes it on screen when the show goes out! She and Jools did a version of My Baby Just Cares For Me which was fabulous tho.

The night was rounded off with drinks in the All Bar One with Johnny Vegas who was down to do show two, and a bit of sushi...how showbiz am I???????

'Ackney!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So that's it, the tour is over and I'm back to the comedy circuit this weekend with gigs at The Comedy Cafe in Rivington Street, incidentally its a cracking bill with the likes of Ricky Grover and Nick Revell on, so I am really looking forward to it.

Anyway the rest of the tour went off without any hitches and climaxed at the weekend with two sold out shows at the Hackney Empire. This is something of a regular event for Gina, who's sold the place out many times before, but for me it was a real big deal.

I've been on that stage twice before. The first was 15 years ago when I took part in the Hackney New Act of the Year final - along with Ricky funnily enough - I was 'unplaced'. The second time was a couple of years later, it was still the biggest theatre I'd ever played and nerves got the better of me again.

I was determined that wasn't gonna be the case this time! Saturday night was a bit scary, and actually I got maybe half a gag out due to people coming in late, late, late! Also my time had been cut to 15 mins cos Gina had lined up another act to open part 2. They were vocal group Ebony Brown who were bloody amazing! Check em out on MySpace.

So its fair to say that on Saturday night I kinda MC'd and did the job. Sunday was a different matter altogether. It was the final night and I was determined to go for it. I got dolled up to the nines in my Primark version of the Chanel star print jumpsuit that Kate Moss wore to her birthday party earlier this year. Mine was worn with cowboyboots, a huge patent belt clinching in my waist and a fab little black jacket, plus my usual 'fell into a jewellery box' collection of bangles and baubles.

Gina very generously gave me extra time, so I went out and did the routine that I'd perfected over the previous seven shows...and it killed!!!!!! I was on such a high! Before I knew it tho, my time was up...best to leave em wanting more eh?

So, once again, thanks to Gina for the chance to perform before such fabulous audiences, and for her generosity of spirit. You're a star girlfriend!

The week since has been spent catching up on the real world really, and visiting various hospitals around London - Chelsea and Westminster is still my favourite one - Monday saw me at the Royal Free. I was supposed to be getting an answer about whether or not I was gonna get my tummy tuck etc on the NHS. When I got there, they'd lost my file - it didn't bode well! After four hours of fuckery, the answer came back that I can have the stomach done for nowt, but they won't do my butt lift or the inner thighs... soooo this October I shall be boarding a plane for Kuala Lumpur to get it all done there.

Tuesday saw me at Chelsea where I was informed that my RSI of 20 years' standing is going to be cured with a simple op to release the carpal tunnel...hurrah! Jeez if it wasn't for hospital appointments I'd have no bleeding social life! I've started getting dressed up for them now!

I did treat myself with a visit to Knightsbridge afterwards and the sunshine inspired me to get those gorgeous Prada 'butterfly' sunglasses, some marvellous floral frocks from Zara and finally a Juicy Couture tracksuit! I am such a f**king cliche!!!!!! Its red with a huge glittery peace symbol on the back of the jacket and on the left hip of the bottoms and I love it to bits!!!!!!!

On The Road... Fi Real!!!!!!

So, I am about halfway into my part of the Skinny B*tch tour with Gina Yashere, and I'm loving every single minute of it!

After the false start on Friday night, Saturday's show at The Bloomsbury Theatre was my first date. I met Gina at the hotel she was staying in which was just around the corner from the gig. Sadly neither of us knew just how 'around the corner it was' and so got a cab. Even more tragically, the black cab driver didn't know either and dropped us at the other end of Bloomsbury! £8 in cabs later we we at the theatre which was in fact less than 2 minutes' walk from the hotel! We were also pretty late, as in I had 15 minutes to get me lippy on and my head right for the show!

That was probably not a bad thing as I was pretty nervous. The last time I set foot in this theatre was to see Bill Bailey film what was I think, his first DVD (tho it was probably video back in those days!). I remember looking around me, thinking how massive the place was and how on earth do you play a room that big! Now here I was, the unannounced guest at Gina's first London gig on the tour!

She did the offstage intro which was very funny, and bang! I was out there! Almost 25 minutes later, it was all over and I was bringing Gina on for the first half of her show. It kinda passed in a blur really. I went out into the auditorium to watch Gina. It was the first time I'd seen her do more than a 20 minute spot in a circuit comedy club, she was awesome! It was a real inspiration, seeing how relaxed she is onstage, taking her time, holding the audience in the palm of her hand, amazing!

Sunday saw us off to Manchester, we chilled on the train with the papers and took the tram to the hotel at Salford Quays. The gig was at the Lowry Theatre which is a fantastic place, even if they seem to have a problem displaying flyers and posters! We had some time to kill and found ourselves shopping in the big Lowry Outlet mall. Gina got a great top to wear onstage and I got a denim trenchcoat from Karen Millen.

The gig was fantastic and I was a lot more relaxed myself this time. The new ideas that I'd been unable to work in in the clubs were flowing and forming into proper "bits".

Monday night at the City Varieties in Leeds saw my 'sweatshop' bit really begin to take shape, and by last night at the Wyvern Theatre in Swindon it had become a routine! This is how you get good! I thanked Gina for the opportunity to work night after night and hone the new stuff that's been floating round my head for a while.

Since I lost the weight I've lost a ton of material too, and getting the chance to try new stuff in a supportive environment like this is just what I needed! I should be paying Gina!

Tonight we are off to the Beck Theatre in Hayes, then tomorrow its the Theatre Royal Northampton, before two sold out nights on Saturday and Sunday at The Hackney Empire....I can't wait!!!!!!!!!

Last Night's Dramas

So there I was, all set to do my first gig supporting Gina Yashere at Warwick Arts Centre. I'd pre-booked my tickets to Coventry, and was at Euston station in plenty of time to catch my train. I even bumped into Mickey Flannagan who was on his way to Manchester!

I boarded the 3.10 train, sat down and started thinking about what stuff I was gonna do at the gig. I noticed the train was running dead slow but as I was gonna be in Coventry three hours before I was due at the gig I wasn't concerned. At 4pm we were sitting at Watford Junction and I was slightly concerned as we shoulda been pulling into Coventry about now. I took my headphones off just in time to hear that there'd been a fatality up the line at King's Langley and all trains were stopping for the forseeable future. We were told to get off and board the buses that would be arriving soon to take us to Milton Keynes for connections.

So at 5pm I am still standing outside waiting for the mythical buses, along with about 600 other people. I found someone who worked for the railway, and asked him straight out what my chances were of getting to Coventry for 7.30. Thank god he was honest, cos basically there was no chance! All that woulda happened if I had gotten on one of these 'ghost' buses was that I would be stranded at Milton Keynes!

Luckily the London Overground services between Euston and Watford were running and there was one about to depart for London. I rang Gina and explained the situation. She was cool, it wasn't like she was gonna have trouble making up the time, she's been doing close to two hours onstage anyway!

Meanwhile I found myself with an unexpected night off and decided to use it constructively. I stipped the bed and put the washer on, then got on with some other work. I went into the kitchen an hour later to find the washer flashing and water all over the floor! Cue me spending my Friday night mopping the floor, and ordering a new washing machine!

We're at the Bloomsbury Theatre tonight, so I have everything crossed that I make it there in one piece!

The Weekend... Part 1

Talk about a weekend of two halves!

I reckon the best way is to split the posts between work and "play". So, here's the 'work' bit.

I did four - count em four! - gigs this weekend, and of those Thursday and Sunday's gigs were excellent, I got to improvise and got some cracking laughs.

From Thursday to Saturday night I was at Nottingham Jongleurs with the lovely Geoff Norcott who just keeps getting funnier and funnier! He was on cracking form all weekend. Marvellous Mark Walker was closing and tho I didn't see him, I heard nothing but good things.

Sunday night I was in Birmingham, doing the Bank Holiday Special show at the Jongleurs there and, blimey what a great bunch on there too! Sandy Nelson was on, doing one of his final English gigs before he moves waaaaaaaay up to Shetland, the sublime Sean Percival was MC'ing and I haven't seen him for about 4 years. We had a right laugh catching up.

The biggest treat for me (apart from having the best fun onstage in a long time) was getting to watch the fantastic Rhod Gilbert. From the first time I ever saw him, he was excellent but my god, he just goes from strength to strength!!!! His routine about his young girlfriend is one of the most honest and hilarious I've seen in a while.

Even better still, I had a nice hotel last night, so I dashed back, had a long old soak in the tub with a very wonderful Lush bath bomb, and a cracking night's sleep. Perfect.

Monday Monday

So here we are, its dry, a bit sunny and freezing cold! Must be summer eh?

I'm back from my weekend in Glasgow and what a cracking weekend it was. The sun was actually shining up there, the company was wonderful - Daliso Chaponda, Owen O'Neill and Mark Walker who were all totally fantastic. Two of my favourite Jongleurs people were there too, Kaley and Patrick, so all in all it was a total joy.

I also ventured beyond my usual stomping/shopping ground of Sauchiehall Street, and went down Buchanan Street where I found a whole bunch of fabulous shops, including Urban Outfitters and American Apparel which seems to be everywhere these days! I got a gorgeous girly APC smock dress in UO, and a really sweet flowery frock from New Look...I seem to be heading towards rocking a Darling Buds of May look at the moment!

I even got to the movies on Friday night after the gig. Mark and I went to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but it wasn't a date! I was really blown away by how good Russell Brand was in it! If you haven't seen it yet, check it out.

Last night I met up with my bestest pal Tracy at the revamped Paradise Bar in west London for a girly gossip, and as their chef was having an early night we went round the corner to Boys Thai cafe on the Harrow Road. I'd never been there before but I'll be going again! It was the best thai food I've had outside of Thailand, sooooooo delicious. Really cheap too!

Loving The Sunshine!!!!!!!!!

My weekend in Cardiff was fabulous! It was like being on holiday with the blazing sunshine! The bay area was just perfect and lunch on Saturday with Chris McCausland and Ian Coppinger was marvellous.

The shops on Friday didn't let me down either. The new TK Maxx in Cardiff is like Las Vegas!!!! There's even a cafe in there!

The shows were all magnificent, as was last night's at The Funny Side in Covent Garden.

Bit of a rush job this post as I am off up north for the day to sweet-up the inheritance.

More soon xx

Last Night's Gig

... was fantastic!

In the end there were 10 women taking part, and on the whole, the standard was really high. My particular favourite was Rachel Stubbings who had a really refreshing persona, I just loved it!

I got a bit sentimental at the end telling the contestants to make the most of these times, cos as they progress up the comedy ladder, they'll rarely get the chance to work with so many women.

My shimmy shimmy frock held out and I didn't fall off my heels, so all in all a great night. AND I got a bag full of Nivea goodies! Wooohoo!

So Excited!

Tonight I am hosting the London heat of the Nivea Funny Women talent show at the Soho Theatre. I've never done anything like this before and I am sooooo excited! I have a very special outfit to wear too. I love comedy!

Is It Just Me...

or has anyone else noticed that since Boris became Mayor, the sun has shone every single day? Maybe he'll be good after all!

Birmingham!!!!!!!!!

Wow! What a fantastic weekend I had in Birmingham!!!!!!!

I always love doing the Glee Club and even tho the divine Mr Cunningham wasn't there, it didn't dampen the spirits.

There was a brilliant line-up - both onstage and off - Kevin McCarthy, Andy Askins and Jon Richardson. Three more charming, entertaining and funny men it'd be hard to find anywhere. Added to that the wonderful Glee staff, especially Griffy and Tim, made it a perfect weekend work-wise.

It was also perfect in every other way, the shops in and around the Bullring didn't disappoint, although I couldn't find a single thing I wanted in Harvey Nichols. Still Selfridges made up for it as did Primark and TK Maxx, where I got a fabulous kaftan, a Betty Jackson linen top and a Christy Turlington designed yoga tracksuit.

Saturday was spent having a fabulous lunch in Wokmania. I'm normally not a fan of all you can eat buffet places and usually the food is a bit manky, but the food in this place was fabulous! The most delicious chinese food I've had in a while. Best of all, if you catch one of the leafletters, you get £2 off the already cheap bill of £6.90 for a lunch buffet.

So there ya go, great people, good food, fabulous clothes, and the sun even shone all day yesterday... what a perfect weekend!

Alexander McFrickinQueen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soooo I spent the weekend doing gigs at the wonderful Toby Foster's Last Laugh comedy clubs in Sheffield. Thursday night at the Little Last Laugh at the Lescar Pub which was just a dream to play, then Friday and Saturday at the big Last Laugh at the Memorial Hall which was great fun too, especially on Saturday night.

The line-up was cracking - Dan Evans who's just got some blinding gags at the moment and Mat Blaize who's gone from strength to strength since I last worked with him about two years ago - with the divine Mr Foster MC'ing. It was great fun from start to finish.

I also got to indulge in my main hobby of shopping, which is always a huge bonus. Since I was last up here, they've opened a mahoooosive Primark on the corner of the same street that the hotel's on, and it was there that I got a very Luella floral frock complete with net underskirt for £12 (it was actually featured in the Sunday Times Style section today too!). What's unusual about this Primark compared to any other I've been to in the UK is that the entrance seems to be part social club, part social security office! I've never seen such a 'challenging' collection of human beings in a place where money wasn't being dispensed by the government! I guess they have to hang out somewhere to finish off their Greggs' steak slices! Btw, there appears to be even more branches of said bakery since I was last here!

It's very odd, cos while Greggs is expanding here, Starbucks has only made one inroad. There's a branch near the University, but not a single Starbucks on the main shopping drag! This is sooooo weird, cos every other city in the UK has at least three or four of the fuckers on their High Street!

Anyway, after the success in Primark I made my pilgrimage across town to TK Maxx. I almost didn't bother going cos the only things I ever seem to buy in there are jeans, hoodies and trainers and I sure as hell don't need any more of any of those things! Anyway the lure was too strong, so I gave in, and boy am I glad I did!!!!!

The 'full' priced items held no appeal to me, but I found myself in the clearance section. Normally even I don't have the patience to rummage through those rails, but a white cotton embroidered tunic/mini-dress caught my eye. It was only £7 so I picked it up and was sufficiently inspired by that find to keep going. Then I saw it, I couldn't believe my eyes, I looked at the price before I even looked at the item properly - Original price £190, Clearance price £47. I saw the manufacturer's label - Alexander McQueen. I saw the size - 8. Then, as I pulled it out, I saw that it was the one thing I've been dying to buy since I lost weight - a denim jumpsuit! I'd been holding out for the Gap one for months, and when it finally arrived in the Oxford St branch last week I was one of the first to try it on, only for my hopes to be dashed when it looked like shit on me! That one was £40 full price, a fraction of the one in my hands now. I looked at it for ages - would an 8 fit me?

Only one way to find out, I braved the changing room to try it on. Part of me wanted to buy it without trying it, cos I just soooooo wanted it! But, I decided to be sensible, and I am soooooooo glad I did! Heart in my mouth I stripped off and slid into it...not only did it fit, it looks amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was soooo excited I wore it to travel home today, and even being sent by bus to Doncaster to catch the Leeds train cos the East Midland Mainline trains were all f**ked, couldn't dampen my mood. I felt sooooo cool, so on trend in my fabulous McQueen!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm Off...

to Sheffield!

I'm doing three nights at the lovely (and very, very funny) Toby Foster's club The Last Laugh. It's been a couple of years since I was there, and I am sooooooo excited to be doing it.

The last time I was there I worked out that Sheffield city centre had more branches of Greggs the bakers than any other city in the UK...I wonder if they're still all there or if the credit crunch has seen a drop in the high fat/low nutrition baked goods market?

I'll know in a couple of hours won't I?

Gawd I Love Comedy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So last night I was doing The Funny Side of Covent Garden, a tiny, fabulous club in the basement of what used to be Rumours cocktail bar back in the day (Aaaah the 80's).

I was the closing act, which is sometimes also known as the headline act, not last night tho! The first comic on was the brilliant Harry Hill! He's about to do some gigs with Paul Zenon and Lee Mack for a charity and wanted to warm up for it.

I haven't seen Harry in the flesh for ages, years in fact. He was the headline act the night I died on my hole at Up The Creek and was kind to me then, 15 years later he's still sweet. I was chuffed to see him for loads of reasons, I got to see him perform which is always a massive treat, and I got to thank him for the genius that is TV Burp! How brilliant is that show??????? It's one of maybe three shows in the history of TV ever that makes me laugh out loud every single week.

The best thing about seeing Harry again was that as he was a doctor in a previous life I could discuss all my surgeries with him in great depth and he understood what I was on about! How middle-aged is that?

So, Harry was cracking, lots of great gags, then the inimitable Ronnie Golden was on, and although I've known him forever, it was the first time I'd seen him live too. He was fantastic! Then it was me. I was sooooo nervous! No reason to be tho, as always, it was a cracking gig. I love that club!

Today I go to Leeds to do my favourite Jongleurs, and it's a mammoth run, five shows, four nights, great line-up, I'm MC'ing, gorgeous hotel and brilliant shops!!!!!! I am soooooooooooooo excited!!!!!!!!

Whatever you guys are up to this weekend, enjoy it x

Marathon Weekend!

No I didn't run around London, but it feels like I did a marathon. It seems like years since I was in my flat!

Went to Brum on Thursday and did Jongleurs there that night. It was my first time MC'ing for a month and I really, really, really enjoyed it! The acts were all cracking and it was all fabulous.

Friday morning I was chucked out of the hotel at 11.0am and my train to Cardiff wasn't till 1.30pm, so what's a gal to do? Shop of course! Especially in Birmingham!

I was like a Tasmanian Devil running around. Got two of the Marimekko tops from H&M, fabulous colours, perfect for summer if it ever comes, and less than a tenner each, perfect! Did some sensible vitamin shopping too, but then got my big old treat...a whole hour to kill in TK Maxx!!!!!!!

The Birmingham branch is fabulous, its huge and has tons of great stuff in it usually. I got a fantastic pair of Reebok trainers for £20, all neon pink, green and black with like a mesh upper so that you can wear em without socks and they won't stink. They're a bit big but sod it, they look fab.

The Cross Country service to Cardiff is offically a really shit service, it took close to three hours and two different trains to get there, when it shoulda been one train and two hours - no wonder Virgin have taken their name off the sides of the trains on this service!

For reasons unknown, the hotel was switched at the last minute and instead of the gorgeous Marriott, right in the centre of town, near the shops, station and gig, we were shoved in the Future Inn down on the Bay - a £7 cab ride to and from the gig, and town and the station. Made for an expensive weekend!

I was on second both nights and to be really honest I can't say I enjoyed the gigs all that much. I never play the 'I'm a girl card' but the combination of some of the other comics and the abundance of stag parties, and lack of security made it a really blokey night both nights. I felt like I had no right to be on that stage as a woman...it was like I'd been transported back to the 50's!

It was only the fact that I am a f**king good comedian that stopped me from dying either night, and the casual observer would've said I had two good gigs, I guess I just want it to be more than 'good'. I'm not happy settling for second best, but there truly is only so much I can do, the audience and the venue have a part to play too.

I did have a great day out on Saturday tho with the lovely Smug Roberts and his gorgeous missus who I haven't seen for about two years. We went to St Fagans which has a castle (of sorts) and a museum of Welsh Life. I'd been before with Jeff Innocent years ago, but it was a sunny day and a lovely change from ransacking Primark! It was also fantastic to be able to catch up with Smug, who is soon to be seen in a new movie by Ken Loach! How fabulous!

Right off to get the dressings removed for the last time from my wounds -its all healing brilliantly - and if there's time, ransack Primark!

Last Night

I was lucky enough to be invited to go to the Teenage Cancer Trust comedy night at the Royal Albert Hall.

Hosted by Noel Fielding, and featuring as he put it his 'friends, who are basically a bunch of freaks'. It sure wasn't the kinda comedy night I'm used to performing at! I was really glad I wasn't on the bill boy!

The audience were 90% Mighty Boosh fans and 10% people who wanted a laugh and to contribute to a brilliant cause. The Booshies only laughed at comedians who'd been on the TV show, which meant an agonising 10 minutes that felt like an hour for at least one poor f**ker.

Razorlight did an unplugged version of America (which I like) and another song (which I don't), Noel did tons of stand-up in an assortment of fabulous outfits, and was just generally as charming and lovely as he always has been.

I remember him and Julian from when they first started out, before they got together, and they've just always been top blokes. It was funny seeing the double takes they both did when they saw me last night... I guess I do look a bit different!

So this morning I am all excited cos I get to do a bit more travelling this weekend. Tonight it's Birmingham Jongleurs and tomorrow and Saturday Cardiff. There's two fabulous hotels laid on, which is a bonus after the dirty Ibis in Leicester last weekend, I'm looking forward to having a nice soak in the bath, and hanging out with some cool people.

Whatever you're up to, make the most of it xx

Back With A Vengeance!

Soooooo after almost a whole month off work I was more than a little apprehensive about going back onstage last Thursday. I wasn't sure what material would work, could I still get away with moaning about being old when I don't really look old anymore?

I was doing a weekend at Leicester Jongleurs, doing a set each night, and actually headlining the shows on Friday and Saturday. Talk about pressure!

A few minutes before I went onstage on Thursday night, I got a call asking me to do my set there and then jump in a cab to Nottingham and close the show there cos one of the acts had been taken ill. I said yes, and then freaked out...in at the deep end or what?!?!?!?!?

Had a lovely time on second in Leicester, and had fun closing Nottingham too! So much for my worries! In a way it was the best thing that could've happened cos it got the 'closing the show' nerves out of the way early, and that meant that I could relax on Friday and Saturday.

It's been a while since I stayed in Leicester, and I had a good old wander round the shops on Friday and hung out with our excellent MC Martin Bigpig. The shows were all the better for having him at the helm.

Friday night was fun, but Saturday night was phenomenal! I was onstage for 30 minutes and in that time I did about 10 minutes of material! The rest was ad-libbed and I just enjoyed myself soooooooo much!

I hadn't realised how much I'd missed being a comedian!

It's good to be back.

Speed

Life just seems to be speeding up. I can't remember when I last had an hour to just do nothing whatsoever! Still better than sitting twiddling my thumbs 24/7 eh?

So I had a few days up North with my Dad, then went to Chelmsford to do a gig last night with the lovely Harvey Oliver MC'ing...he was soooooo funny! Had me in stitches! Today I'm off to Portsmouth for a couple of shows and I'm really looking forward to both the gigs and hitting the shops in Gunwharf Quays.

Next week sees me running around even more as I prepare for the big old surgery session on the 11th...I am sooo excited!

Rush Job

Time is not on my side, dear readers, so here's a quick catch up.

The gigs in Bristol this past weekend were fantastic. It was a cracking line-up including Harvey Oliver who I haven't seen in ages and who was brilliant! David Haddingham was headling and as always delivered the goods and then some, and he gave me a lift home bless his little cotton socks. I even got to see Steve Best who I haven't even seen to say hi to for about 3 years...he was as splendidly daft as ever...fabulous.

The hotel was really rubbish sadly, the staff were fantastic, but even for an Ibis it was spectacularly shit...shame. The Bristol branch of TK Maxx was a hit tho, with me getting a fantastic pair of Lee jeans and a yoga mat at extremely knock down prices, plus a very Stella McCartney pink frock for £30 as opposed to her £300 one.

Had a little trip to Harvey Nicks yesterday, to check out the new Mulberry Roxanne patent tote but sadly they only had it in black and I want the shiny red one! A first for me, I actually left my name on the waiting list. Wandering around the rest of the shop - still a novelty for me as three of the floors were out of bounds for sooooooo much of my life - I found myself distracted by a beautiful red and white, flouncy, flowery Marc Jacobs frock. Next thing I knew I was trying it on and paying for it cos it looked soooooooo gorgeous on me. This was followed by the purchase of an amazing blue and silver Pauric Sweeny handbag... I got out before I could inflict any more damage! They are both faaaaabulous tho.

This morning I was up at the crack of dawn cos I'm off to do the family thing up north for a couple of days... check ya laters folks xx

Beside The Seaside

That's me in about 3 hours' time! I'd doing a gig at the Theatre Royal in Margate tonight and as I've never been there before, I'm gonna go early and check out the beach... life is good.

Nine and a Half Days...

... off the fags!

Hats off to Allen Carr! It's now been nine and a half days since I smoked my last ever cigarette, and I'm still going strong! It's the best way ever to quit!

I was working in the Isle of Man last night with Phil Butler and Brian Higgins, and all three of us were non-smokers! Phil's a fellow Carr devotee, and has been clean for just over two weeks, Brian's doing the nicotine patches. Phil had his copy of the audiobook CDs with him which he gave to Brian to upload onto his laptop, expect him to be free and clean soon too!

The gig was great fun, all three of us had a wonderful time. I really have a renewed zest for life these days...it's great!

Off to MC Bow Jongleurs tonight and tomorrow, and I can't wait!

...And The Start Of A New One!

So how was your New Year's Eve? I hope you had fun.

I saw in 2008 with a glass of pink Tattinger courtesy of Lee, the manager of the Glee Club in Cardiff, and it was fantastic!

The gig was just one of those perfectly, smoothly run nights. The club was rammed, full of really great people who just wanted to laugh and have a good time. My fellow comedians - Jarred Christmas, Jon Richardson and Mark Watson - all kicked comedy ass, and none of the sequins fell off my frock so it was just wonderful.

The next morning I felt the effects of the champagne, but I still managed to get showered and catch my train. The journey home was painless - First Great Western were probably the only train company running a decent service!

On Wednesday I went to see the doctor, I'm having some surgery in March and I have to be a non-smoker to have the best chances of healing afterwards, so she gave me a prescription for a new pill called Champix, that's supposed to make giving up easier. The idea is that once they're in your system, if you do smoke it makes you feel sick, but you don't go cold turkey which was great news! I took the first pill this morning, and I can't say its had any effect but aparently it takes a few days.

I would love to be a non-smoker, I'm getting fed up of freezing my ass off nipping out for a smoke when I'm working, and I hate the fact that I am still addicted to something that isn't good for me. Add to that the cost, I could buy a whole new wardrobe in Primark every week with what I spend on cigarettes.

The main fear I have is that I will begin to eat more, I lost nine and a half stones last year and the last thing I want now is to begin nibbling at food as a replacement. Obviously since my gastric bypass I cannot eat anything like the amounts I used to, but I could still eat more than I currently do, so being aware is half the battle I guess. Perhaps I'll take up knitting!

Talking of gastric bypasses, I watched that horrific documentary on C4 last night called The Half Ton Mum. How tragic was her story????? A 29 year old mother of two gorgeous girls, who had gotten herself up to 64 stones! The irony of her situation was that only a gastric bypass could give her a chance of survival, but she was waaaaaaay over the safe weight to qualify for one! She did eventually find a surgeon willing to perform the operation, but by then I guess her poor heart was on it's last legs. Initially she recovered well, losing four stones in the two weeks after surgery, but then she suffered a massive heart attack and died. How fucking heartbreaking.

One of the experts said that the chance came too late really for her, if she'd been able to get the op a few years earlier she'd still be alive. That's what prompted me to push for mine, I was about a third of her weight, when I had mine, but ending up like that poor woman was my biggest fear for the future. Every single morning I give thanks to the Buddha for empowering me to push and push and push to get the surgery that I believe has given me not so much my old life back as given me a brand new life. If there is anyone out there reading this who needs the op and qualifies for it, then my advice is to go for it.

Phew that was a bit intense eh?

So today I finally got my brand new bed. I figured that after eight years of heavy weight on it, my old one was ready for the skip. I got a great deal on a gorgeous one from Marks and Sparks of all places, with a fabulous orthopedic mattress. The delivery guys arrived nice and early, and gawd bless them, they dismantled my old one and put the new one together for me. I do love being a girl!

I'm all excited tonight, one because I get to sleep in the new bed, and two cos in the morning I go and get my eyebrows tattooed on! I had the consultation a couple of weeks ago and loved the effect, so tomorrow it will be permanent. I can't wait! I just hope she doesn't flip out and make em look like Lea's from Big Brother!

After that I'm off to Nottingham for a weekend of gigging, ligging and jiggy-jigging, well gigging anyway. Whatever you guys are up to, hope you have fun.

The End Of The Year

So here we are again, December 31st and another year gone.

I'm off to Cardiff in a while to do The Glee Club's NYE show and I am really looking forward to it. The line-up is fantastic and it'll be great to see Lee and all the lovely staff at the club. I have a gorgeous, sparkly dress from Zara to wear. The hotel is cool, I just hope they have a smoking room for me! As it's a celebration night I've treated myself to a cheap first class ticket each way on the train, so it's all good!

Did Oxford Jongleurs on Saturday night, and I can't tell you how nervous I was. We'd all had six or seven nights off and all of us, Al Pitcher, Eddie Brimson, Jeremy O'Donnell and myself were feeling a bit rusty. The audience were fab but a tad laid back. You know how you feel about 6pm on Xmas Day, a bit stuffed and a bit sleepy? Well that was the vibe in the room on Saturday night. Still they'd livened up a lot by the time I got onstage - I was closing the show which added to the pressure - and I had a cracking gig. Best of all, I finished in plenty of time to catch the last fast train back to London. Jezza and I travelled back together and had a good old natter.

I had a perfect end to 2007 when I got on the scales this morning, I now weigh 9 and a half stones less than I did this time last year, how amazing is that??????

Whatever you're doing folks, have a great one tonight, and I hope 2008 brings you all you desire and deserve.

Festive Spirit

This is the first year I can remember for like aaaaaages, that I've felt really Christmassy. The week in Edinburgh definitely helped, cos the whole city was like a winter wonderland, but I fully expected that to be decimated when I got back to London the week before Christmas.

It wasn't tho, the week at the Comedy Cafe was fantastic and everybody seemed to be in really good spirits. There were none of those 'horror' gigs where the audience are soooo drunk performing is impossible either. All of that definitely added to my mood.

Last weekend was great fun, hanging out with pals, buying presents for people I care about cos I wanted to, not cos I had to.

Christmas Day was fabulous. I spent it with my best pal Steve and it was just the perfect, stress-free, chilled day. Good food, fantastic champagne and lots of love. This was our fourth Christmas together and cos both of our lives are so busy, its the one day of the year we really get to connect and just 'be' with each other. My mate Jason said 'we choose our own families' and its so true, I can't think of anyone I'd rather spend the day with.

As I think back to previous Christmases, they've never been that great, more of an ordeal to be gotten through. The worst ones were a few years back when I was at my lowest ebb ever, life seemed pointless, I was getting fat again, and just had no hope. Thanks to the Buddha and Mr Fiennes I feel like I have a future now, life is wonderful, and nowhere is this more obvious than at Christmas time.

Thursday and Friday were sales shopping days, starting with the West End on Thursday. I decided I would be practical and get some basics at a bargain price, so Selfridges was my first stop. I got some gorgeous towels and bed linen for a fraction of their usual price. I certainly couldn't have justified spending the original prices on them, even if they were badly needed! Needless to say the practicality didn't last long, I saw a gorgeous multi-coloured Missoni bathrobe that was half price, but still a bit more than I'd usually spend on such an item. I kept walking away and going back to it, then thought 'sod it' and picked it up. It's beautiful and I love it!

I needed a coffee and a fag after that, and after a brief respite at Starbucks, I headed up towards South Molton Street. I needed a new strap for an old watch that I want to start wearing again, and after I got that, I decided to have a wander down one of the most expensive designer streets in London. I walked past Browns, figuring that even in the sales I couldn't afford what they had on offer. I did check out their Labels for Less shop, but that had the feel of a jumble sale about it to be honest. I checked out a couple of shoe shops, but all the ones I loved were far too high for me.

On the way back up I decided to go into Browns after all. In the 29 years I've lived in London I've only been in there once before and that was to buy a pair of Norma Kamali boxer boots about 20 years ago. The reason I've never been other than that one time was cos I was usually too fat to fit into any of their clothes, and I figured I'd be as welcome as Gary Glitter at Disneyland!

That wasn't the case however, a very elegant lady offered to look after my Selfridges bags while I browsed, and complimented me on my Zagliani bag. It felt really good to not be an outsider. Sadly even if I had tons of money there wasn't anything I really liked in the main shop, but now I was emboldened, so I scooted across the road to Browns Focus. Blimey! Now here I coulda spent a bleeding fortune.

They tend to stock almost one-off pieces by designers both known and obscure. My eye was drawn immediately to a fuschia pink polo neck cashmere jumper. I took it off the rail and noticed there was only one sleeve. It's kinda like a straightjacket! There are however, little slits for your hands to come out so that you can function. It was seriously marked down and it was my size. Just as well really as it was the only one in the shop. It's a serious work of art in my eyes for the price of a regular cashmere jumper, and I feel like a million dollars in it.

The salesgirl asked if I was on their customer database, and I told her I'd never been skinny enough to buy anything from there before! Its really weird cos people don't know my past, they don't know that this time last year I was exactly double the size I am now. To them I'm just another customer, they have no idea what a massive buzz it is for me.

I was supposed to be working in Oxford on Friday night but the gig had been pulled, which meant that I got an unexpected night off. I celebrated it by heading to Knightsbridge - madness I know - the Harrods sale began at 9am and I knew the area would be mobbed both with tourists and bargain hunters, but I didn't care.

Harvey Nicks was my first port of call, and I checked out almost every floor - apart from the food departnent - looking for a bargain. As per usual it was found on the ground floor in the shape of a gorgeous Dolce & Gabbana black leather handbag. I'd seen a massive orange version in Edinburgh and almost bought it, but this one was smaller and more manageable, and more fabulous. It also had £400 knocked off the price which was a bonus! I've not been a fan of D&G really, I think I associate it with Victoria Beckham and the other WAGS, but this bag doesn't 'scream' like a lot of their stuff does, its classy and very practical. I found a lovely, snuggly black cashmere scarf and a pair of grey cashmere gloves that have huge sequins all over the cuffs too. They'll go perfectly with that black Gap coat I got on Monday with the bracelet length sleeves. I used my account card and got an extra 20% off, which meant the scarf and gloves were technically free! That's how JoJo-logic works.

I also picked up a pot of the Athena 7 Minute Lift face cream I'd been reading about. It wasn't in the sale but its supposedly a miracle cream. I haven't tried it yet, but will post a full report when I do.

I wandered down the road, weaving in and out of the multitude of shoppers, until I came to Russell & Bromley. I'd seen a pair of crocodile patent knee boots in Oxford Street on Thursday that I loved but they didn't have any in my size. I popped in to see if they had them here and they did. I tried on the size 5 and they fit perfectly. These are cut much narrower than the Clarks boots I bought a few months back, and my heart was in my mouth when I zipped em up my previously fat calves. I won't lie, it was tough going but I got em done up and there's no overspill at the top, so I handed over the cash. These too were half price, yayyyy!

I decided to give Harrods a go, and it was like the fall of Saigon in there, millions of people with a determined glint in their eyes. It didn't freak me out too much so I went for a wander round the ground floor. I spotted a Miu Miu belt that I absolutely fell in love with, but it looked minute, like it was made for a child. I asked the girl if there were any more, perhaps a bit bigger, but there wasn't. Again it was seriously reduced, and putting my fear of looking like a fat fucker to one side, I tried it on. Bugger me, it fit! And that was on the jeans that sit on my hips! How wonderful!

It was starting to get dark, and I was pretty shopped out, so a double tall latte later I was on my way home to play with my new toys.

God I love being thin!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edinburgh and Beyond

First of all dear readers, apologies for not blogging for a while. I do have a good excuse, I was in Edinburgh minus the laptop for six nights last week, and only got home on Sunday afternoon.

The shows were up and down, but I still had a wonderful week. It was a cracking bill, Steve Harris, Daliso Chaponda, and my old mucker John Fothergill. As John and I are smokers we had to find alternative accomodation, cos the hotel the club uses doesn't have any smoking rooms at all. We stayed in the Ramada on Princes Street which turned out to be the perfect choice. The staff were chilled, the rooms warm and comfy and, in John's case, spacious. Mine was slightly more compact, in fact I had to move furniture to do my crunches in the mornings!

The best part of where we were staying was the view from our windows. Princes St Gardens had one of those German Xmas Markets that seem to be in every city centre these days, with the added bonus of a mini fairground, loads of Christmas lights and great views of the Castle. I felt really Christmassy!

Edinburgh has other wonderful benefits too, such as a rather well-stocked Harvey Nichols, and I sure made good use of that! I got the biggest thrill of all when I spent an hour trying on expensive designer dresses with absolutely no pressure from the sales staff. I didn't buy any of them, just the thrill of being able to fit into tiny little frocks was enough. Of course I did succumb to my handbag habit, treating myself to a shiny, black python skin Zagliani 'Puffy' bag. It had only come into the shop that morning, and 90 minutes later it was hanging off my arm! I love the idea that these handbags have been injected with silicone to keep the skins soft, it'll match my new tits when I get em next March! Tho hopefully, my boobs won't have the same texture as the handbag!

It was bloody freezing up there and luckily the sales have started early, so I hit George Street on Saturday afternoon and treated myself to a fabulous long, thick, zip-up cardie with pink reindeers on it in the FCUK sale. I've worn it every night this week under my black Gap Parka which claims to be a size "S" but woulda fit me before I had my bypass!

I also got myself a little Xmas treat in the form of some gorgeous diamond earrings. I'd been looking for a pair for ages, but I didn't want studs cos I know I'd lose one in no time, anyway it turns out jewellery shops have sales too, and I got the perfect pair in Mappin & Webb, which to be honest I'd have paid full price for, but these beauties had almost £1000 off the original price! Definitely a sign. They look gorgeous too.

I blame Damien Hirst for my current diamond addiction, ever since I saw that skull, I've become obsessed with them. It was so hypnotic, I think it's put a spell on me!

Monday saw me begin my last week of Xmas shows at the Comedy Cafe in good old London! Yay, sleeping in my own bed every night, and a chance to get all my chores done. Monday I got my hair done, and had a little Primark fix - they don't have one in Edinburgh for some reason - so I was suffering serious withdrawal symptoms. Tuesday I got my nails done and did all the boring stuff like paying bills and paying cheques into the bank, and today I had an epiphany!

I went for a consultation to see about getting my eyebrows tattooed on. At the age of 11 I grabbed my mum's tweezers and hid myself in the bathroom, plucking and plucking till they were one hair thick! As the years have passed I've grown a few more hairs in, but a lifetime's over plucking means that what hairs are there are pretty sparse, and I even have the odd white hair growing in there! The make-up artist on Comedy Blue suggested I get em tattooed on, and then I saw Ninia Benjamin get hers done on Celebrity Scissorhands. That was enough to convince me, and I did a search till I found Debra Robson-Lawrence's site. She comes recommended by my plastic surgeon, so I figured she was the one to choose.

Today she drew on the eyebrows for me to see if I wanted to get em done permanently. After the first one, she handed me the mirror, my god, what a huge difference!!!!! It was like two different faces! She matched the other one up and I was blown away by the result. It gives my whole face a lift. So I booked myself in for the full treatment, and will start the New Year with new brows.

The gigs this week have been cool, Monday and Tuesday I did sets, going on first. As Christmas shows tend to be full of people who don't normally go to comedy, I had to reign myself in a bit. I didn't wanna terrify the poor souls!

After last night's gig I dashed over to Bow Jongleurs to finally catch up with my old mate Gina Yashere. She's over for the festive period and boy, was it great to see her! She looks incredible! Really skinny, really gorgeous and glowing...LA obviously agrees with her. Paul Tonkinson and Ricky Grover were also on the bill, so it was like a night out for me, getting to see some of my favourite comedians. Ricky is on top form at the moment.

Tonight I got to the gig and was told I was MC'ing cos the line-up had changed. John Moloney was ill, so we had a replacement in the form of Ricky! I aint seen him all year then twice in one week, what a treat!

So that's the last 10 or so days, wrapped up. Two more shows to go before I get a whole six days off, I can't wait!!!!!!!

Last Week...

was spent doing Christmas shows in Southampton.

It was a bit of a mixed bag to be honest, the shows we would've expected to be hard work were a dream, and the ones we thought would be cosy and intimate were tough.

I am constantly amazed at how adaptable I am. After a couple of days in the hotel it felt like home. Of course, being a girl I take lots of things with me to make it feel that way, incense, candles, lots of books and magazines to read. I'm currently dividing my reading time between David Frost's excellent account of his legendary interviews with Richard Nixon, a book of Buddhist teachings by Pema Chodron and Grazia magazine. I'm just a mass of contradictions!

The shopping in Southampton has vastly improved over the years, tho it could be because I now have a wider variety of shops to indulge myself in. There's a massive Peacocks on the main drag that had a fantastic sale on. I got a 'velvet' jacket for £12! I also got two little smock dresses for a fiver the pair. Of course I hit Primark, but only for a pair of slipper socks for £1.50. I did splurge on a pair of Levi's, the most I've spent on a pair of jeans ever, but the sheer thrill of being able to buy a pair of 28 waist skinny Engineered women's jeans was overwhelming, I just had to hand over the cash. I was especially happy cos I know that Levi's don't do the 'vanity' cuts on their jeans, and there's no lycra in the denim to ease their passage over your hips. A Levi's size 28 is actually smaller than my size 8 Primark ones!

I ended up with an unexpected day off on Tuesday cos the show was cancelled, so I took a train over to Portsmouth Harbour and had a wander around the Gunwharf Quays outlet centre. In the Nike shop I got two fab pairs of trainers - one gold, one silver - for £50 the pair, and I picked up a gorgeous little black mini dress in FCUK for £17.

But of course I wasn't there just to shop, I was there to work and I have to say, for me, the gigs were amazing. All of them. I really enjoyed myself. We had a good line-up too, Addy Van Der Borg, Sandy Nelson, and the incomperable Sean Collins who was just a really joy to watch every single night.

I sometimes get a bit overawed when I have a big run of gigs, worrying that my health and energy will hold up, that I'll consistently do a good job, all that kinda stuff. This year I had a mild dose of that before I began the run, but I have to say that so far, it's been my best Xmas season ever!

I'm off to Edinburgh for the weekin a bit, and as my old mate John Fothergill is on the bill, it promises to be a cracking time. Looking forward to it.

Have a good week folks

What a Weekend!!!!!

Oh man I had just the best time ever in Birmingham this weekend. I was doing the Glee Club - my favourite club ever, I was on with John Fothergill, Dave Haddingham and Jarred Christmas - three of the easiest going guys on the circuit, not to mention fantastic comedians, and I had a smoking room at the hotel! What more could a gal ask for?

I was also unveiling my Christmas outfits for onstage. I'd been buying those little sequinned mini-dresses that are everywhere in the shops over the last few months, but had yet to pluck up the courage to wear them onstage. I thought I would feel really vulnerable wearing something so glitzy and girlie onstage, but as the frocks were now all getting a bit loose on me, I was determined to give them an airing. The Glee was the perfect place, as its somewhere I feel confident.

Thursday night saw me in my little black sequinned £10 from George at Asda number, with a gorgeous long black cashmere cardigan over the top to hide the bingo wings. At the risk of sounding vain, I looked pretty hot for an old bird! Best of all, wearing such an outfit didn't hinder my performance in any way, if anything it enhanced it. I looked glamourous and showbiz and the audience responded to that. Friday saw me shedding the cashmere security blanket and wearing a long sleeved number from New Look, again it produced the desired effect. Saturday was most exciting of all as I wore my silver sequinned £15 from Peacocks mini, again with the black cardigan. I fucking love that dress. I'm a silver freak anyway - jewellery, handbags, even my coat! - but I never dreamed I could wear a silver dress without looking like a turkey about to go into the oven! It looked amazing.

The gigs themselves were all amazing in their own ways. I was looser than I'd ever been onstage and got far more laughs as a result. All three guys had cracking gigs every night too. I really enjoyed watching them.

Friday I did my mad dash around Birmingham's endless shopping centre, picking up one or two groovy little things, including a fabulous Marc Jacobs' watch. Saturday I had lunch with Mr Fothergill and Alasdair from the Glee followed by coffee in a cosy little canal-side pub with a dear old friend.

All in all it was a perfect weekend.

I'm off to Southampton tomorrow for six nights of Xmas shows, if they're half as much fun as this weekend was, I'll be well chuffed.

Yayyyyyyy Birmingham!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sooooo in a few minutes' time I shall be winging my way to Birmingham to do a weekend of gigs at the Glee Club, my favourite club in the country. I am soooooooo excited!

The line-up is fantastic, the hotel has smoking rooms, and the shopping is absolutely brilliant. I can't wait!

Have a good 'un folks xx

Giggin'

Soooooo a misunderstanding somewhere along the line meant that instead of going to Reading as I thought I would be last night I found myself back in Battersea Jongleurs - talk about feast or famine!

It was a cracking line-up, the fantastically funny Kevin Gildea - who hadn't seen me in a while and was pretty blown away by the new me, Brian Higgins who was just totally f**king amazing to watch last night, and the incomparable Jason Wood. Its been ages since I saw Jason perform, and bugger me he was brilliant! His Amy Winehouse is one of the funniest things I've ever seen! What a joy.

Things are back to normal tonight and I am off to Reading, not sure who's on - but it'll be a pleasant surprise I'm sure. I'm looking forward to it.

In fashion news, I was woken by the postie at 7.45am this morning and in his hand he had a package containing my fabulous new black patent Snowjoggers! I'd pre-ordered them months ago and now here they were. like a cross between a boot and a trainer, they are perfect for winter and being all shiny and patent, will look great onstage. Best of all they're fur lined and will keep my tootsies warm.

I've booked a little trip to New York in January, and they're gonna be just perfect for that too - if they aren't worn out by then!

I Never Thought...

I'd see this day.

This time last year I weighed 20 stones. I was depressed that I couldn't control my eating, in spite of knowing all the reasons why I used food as a tranquilizer, I just couldn't stop sticking unhealthy food in my mouth. Becoming a Buddhist and avidly devouring the dharma had made sense of so much, but over-eating was the one thing I just couldn't crack alone.

I remember how disheartening it was last November, trying to find clothes that were a bit more 'dressy' for the forthcoming Xmas shows. How shitty I felt as I trudged round Evans, Ann Harvey and H&M's Big Birds' departments, feeling like a total failure yet again. Remembering how in 2004 I was down to 12 and a half stones and wearing all kinds of mad clothes onstage, looking a feeling fabulous. Now here I was again, the cycle of loss and gain following its natural (for me) course. There was some hope on the horizon, the possibility of getting the gastric bypass on the NHS, but nothing was guaranteed.

To say I hated myself and my inability to control the most basic of functions is an understatement. I can recall staring at my obese naked body in the full length mirror in the hallway and punching myself in the stomach, repeating the mantra 'you fat c**t' over and over till I cried.

Of course luck (or karma) was on my side, and I got the letter telling me I was eligible for the op and in February this year I had it done. I'd managed to lost seven pounds before I went in for it and so on the day of surgery I weighed 19 and a half stones. I was terrified, but I knew I had no option but to have the operation. This was something I couldn't control on my own.

When I got out of hospital, people began to ask me if I had a target weight I wanted to get to. At that point, I'd have been thrilled to get to 14 stones perhaps. After a couple of months I allowed myself to dream I might get to 11 stones one day. On the height/weight charts that was the top end of acceptable, healthy weight for someone my height. Inside, I felt that perhaps I was being unrealistic, it'd been 25 years since I weighed that little and in order to reach it then I stopped eating for three months.

Slowly tho, the numbers on the scales began to go down, and down. I'd never been given a target weight by the surgeon, and that was probably a good thing cos whatever number they'd said in February would've felt unattainable.

Somewhere along the line tho, 11 stones did seem feasible, and I decided to set myself a more difficult target... The charts said anywhere between nine and 11 stones was good for me, so why not aim for the middle? I began to say out loud that my target was 10 stones, but a part of me never thought I would get near that figure.

Well this morning I broke the 11 stones barrier - just - I am 10st 13lbs! As I looked down at the numbers on my cheat-proof digital scales, I could barely take it in. I cannot remember the last time those numbers appeared on a set of scales I was stood on, but I suspect it was my very early teens.

People ask me if there's any downside to having this op. Other than throwing away more food than I can eat, the answer is no. I am healthier than I've ever been in my adult life - physically and mentally - I have energy like I can't ever remember having in the past, I have a confidence, vitality and zest for life I've never experience before.

As a Buddhist I believe in reincarnation, and I feel doubly blessed because I've been given a second shot at life whilst I'm still in this one! I truly have been reborn, and I like what I see.

Big Up Battersea

I've finally cracked it! After doing three nights in a row at Battersea Jongleurs I've exorcised the ghosts from that particular venue, and it feels great.

Friday night saw a completely different line-up to Thursday, including two comics I'd not seen before - Matt Green and Kevin Bridges - who were both a real treat to watch. Both baby-faced tho Matt not quite as young as he appears, Kevin is only 21 and for someone soooooo young he really has a great grasp of what all this comedy malarkey is about. He's got a great presence onstage and a brilliant future ahead of him I'm sure.

The headliner on Friday was the fabulous Simon Evans who I've not see for aaaaaages. God it was bliss watching him perform! When he turned up he barely recognised me, then in typical comedian fashion he said I know look like Richard Morton with my new body and hair! From being a Jo Brand looky-likey to a Richard Morton one is a pretty massive leap, I'll leave it to you guys to decide if its a good one or not.

Saturday night, brought yet more changes. Eddie Brimson was on, and again its been a while. He too got a shock when he saw me. I find it interesting how men are fascinated by what I eat and how much, I thought it was just a girl thing.

Mickey Flannagan was back to close on Saturday and once again was just fantastic, both onstage and off.

The biggest treat of all was a visit by the gorgeous Stephen K Amos, who had a night off from his tour and popped in to say hi. It's been a while since he saw me work, and after I'd started the show he was full of praise, saying how 'effortless' my compering was. Coming from Steve that's a huge compliment. We nipped out for a fag and he showed me his shiny new car, its very fabulous! Best of all it's got a little granny seat at the back and I am small enough to fit in it now!

A Really Cool Week

I love living in London!

Been a really good week, got lots of paperwork done, financial stuff sorted (including the funding for my surgery next year), and spent some quality time with an old friend.

Monday saw me get my most radical haircut for years. I'm still rocking the platinum blonde thing, when my old hair began to fall out and the new hair started growing I figured there was no point is trying to keep the smooth bob, so began to have it cut shorter and more textured, well this week me and Patrick the hairdresser really went for it. It's all punky and spikey and very very white blonde and I love it! It's dead easy to take care of too, the style is meant to look messy so it can never look wrong!

The weight loss is still continuing, I now weight 9 stones less than I did this time last year, which is phenomenal. The only downside is that I feel the cold really badly. So after I'd had my hair done I treated myself to a new winter coat. It's a silver Astrakan (ask yer granny) knee length coat from Next of all places. I'd seen it up in Leeds the other week, but hated the buttons on it which made