Glee! Glee! Glee! I Am Just Full Of Glee!!!

As anyone who has even browsed my posts will know, The Glee Club in Birmingham is perhaps my favourite gig in the world ever, and I was lucky enough to be the MC there last weekend.

What a treat it was! The line-up included John Moloney, Ben Norris, Sarah Millican and fleeting appearances from Andrew Lawrence and Andi Osho. Now you'd expect at least one of us to have at least one ropey gig over the entire weekend, but we didn't. Not one of us, not once! It was sheer bliss both onstage and off from start to finish. On Saturday I even got to hook up with the other comics who were appearing at the Highlight in Birmingham for lunch - here's to Paul Sinha, Martin Mor and Marty McLean.

And onto another type of Glee Club, the one on the telly. Now as we all know, I am only a penis away from being a very camp gay man, so me loving this E4 show was pretty much a given. What I wasn't expecting was just how much I would love it! Its like a dose of sunshine on a bleak winter's Monday night, and show four - the "Single Ladies" episode - is my tv highlight of the year! I know its only January, but if anything is gonna top Kurt's kick on the football field, its gonna have to be pretty special!

Hotel From Hell

So I am writing this on the train back to London. I've spent the weekend in Edinburgh working at the new Highlight Famous For Comedy Club. Phew! What a mouthful! The bill was great - me as MC, Kevin Hayes aka "the Man of a Thousand Voices", Gavin Webster who has a new bit that is just awesome but one that he'll never be able to do on telly sadly, and Brian Higgins who is on cracking form at the moment. The gigs were fantastic, each in their own distinct way, and Edinburgh is still one of the most gorgeous cities in the world, even if the weather was rubbish!

The only blackspot on the whole weekend was the hotel. We were booked into the Thistle St James and they had supposedly done a deal with the club to give us a discount rate. Well, that "discount" was £99 a night so as you can imagine I was expecting something pretty exceptional for my money. After all, it was a wet weekend in January and the hotel was nowhere near full capacity.

This was the second room they gave me, the first believe it or not wasnt as good as this!





These were all the lovely yummy goodies they provided



This was the luxurious shower




Now I know you might find it hard to believe, but I am seriously not a diva. However, I posted those photos on Twitter and soon had some of my followers offering to form an escape committee to come and spring me. One follower actually did a websearch and found me a different hotel! All of them were horrified that any hotel could charge that amount of money for such a dreadful room.

Anyway, I stuck it out and am finally homebound on this train

A First For Me

So this weekend I was gigging at one of my favourite clubs in the country, The Last Laugh in Sheffield.
I always have fun there and thanks to Toby Foster and Jules who run it, I'm always well looked after.

This weekend that turned out to be more important than usual as I found myself away from home and sick as a dog!

On Tuesday night I went to the Comedian's Christmas Do(n't) at The Bedroom Bar. A yearly event organised by the fabulous Susan Murray and the equally fabulous Michael Legge, in which all the comics who can be arsed gather together for a catch-up. I'd never been before, so I made a special effort to go this time. I'm so glad I did. It was great to see tons of people I haven't seen in aaaaaaaages!

Sadly tho, I suspect I picked up a little germ there too, cos by Wednesday morning I was feeling more than a bit grotty. Nothing specific, but a bit of a cough, a bit of a tickly throat and just not "right". It was a snowy, horrid day on Wednesday anyway so I stayed indoors and just took it easy.

By Thursday, as I was Sheffield-bound, I felt more than a bit iffy. Sneezing, coughing, sweating, the whole nine yards. Luckily for me I was on first every night so could do my set, then come back to the lovely new hotel they've found for us.

Thursday night I did just that, but Friday morning I felt worse. I slipped on my clothes and trekked through the rain to Boots. The nice lady sold me some Day and Night Nurse capsules and I went back to bed till showtime.

What I didn't know is that all those pills kinda foggy up your mind, and Friday night I kinda dug myself into a comedy hole I couldn't really get out of. I was seriously relieved when I saw my time light! I didn't die but I sure as hell didn't storm it. I heard later on that nobody stormed it tho, so perhaps it wasn't all me.

Saturday I just stayed in bed all day, trying to sleep/sweat it out, but I went to the gig still feeling like crap. I did however, go on determined to rock the joint no matter how sick I felt. And I did!

If I hadn't been out of town, I would've cancelled my Friday and Saturday night gigs, I really felt that ill. What this weekend has taught me is that I can do it. Even when I'm not 100%.

That's a cool lesson to learn.

Off With A Bang!

So this weekend saw the first proper gigs of 2010 after all the festive performances, and I couldn't have picked a better place to start than the Covent Garden Comedy Club @ Heaven, here in London. It really ticks all the boxes, good space, staff who give a shit, good mannered audiences and dead easy to get to. Result!

Friday night I opened the show. I had a great time and felt right at home on the stage. The icing on the cake was that I was back home in my pj's watching Big Brother by 9.30!

On Saturday night I was on in the middle - aka the 'sweet spot' - and boy was it sweet! I felt like a comedy superstar, and could've easily stayed on the rest of the night! As a bonus I also got to see my old mate Andrew Maxwell doing his thang - wonderful as always! Kudos to Matt Price too who was doing his first MC'ing weekend there. Sterling work fella.

Happy New Decade!!!!!!!!

Sooooo here we are in the next bit of the new millenium, which isn't as new as it was 10 years ago of course.

Since my return from Berlin I've been in Crimbo Limbo, not knowing which day is Bank Holiday and which day isn't, often just not knowing what day it is at all. Most of them have felt like Sundays to be honest.

I went back to yoga last week for the first time in nearly three weeks. Amazing how quickly you get stiff ain't it? It felt good to get back to it, there were only two classes last week but I made it to both. I also made it to the gym a couple of times which was awesome too! Especially my trip the morning of NYE when one of the guys who works in the gym asked me if I used to be a ballet dancer! To say I was incredibly flattered is something of an understatement! I'm still glowing a bit inside when I think of it.

Of course me being me, I didn't just say "no, but thank you", I said 'no love, I used to be 20 stones". One of these days I really will learn to take a compliment. He said he thought I must have been a dancer because of my posture. Just goes to show what yoga can do for a gal! I hadn't even noticed how my posture had improved. Hell a few years ago I wouldn't have even passed for a belly dancer, never mind a ballet dancer!

New Year's Eve was fantastic. I was working, which is always a result for me. You can't not have a good one when you wake up on New Year's Day with a bag full of cash! I was at The Glee Club in Birmingham which as you all know by now is my favourite club ever, and was one with a great bunch of guys including Sean Collins and Andy Robinson. Champagne was consumed afterwards and a great time was had by all.

I'm back to work properly next week, and looking forward to it too, but it's been lovely having this break. Its been a time to rest up - the extreme cold seems to affect the lupus - and a time to just reflect on my life.

This isn't a time for dramatic changes, but a rather dramatic shift has taken place in the way I view the world and see my place in it.

Home Again

Soooooo a wonderful time was had in Berlin. It was the perfect anti-dote to the year and even tho I got about 40 minutes' sleep the night before my flight (7am!) I still feel well rested. Judging by the huge leap in visitors to my website you've enjoyed hearing about it all too! Either that or just avoiding family by farting about on the 'net!

I was at Tegel Airport very early yesterday morning, after the "firecracker" incident I assumed that all airport security would be stepped up, leading to delays for all. Not so! Oh well better safe than sorry. The pat down seemed a little bit more 'intimate' but that was it. I was in Heathrow by 8.30 and on the train to Paddington by 9am. Perfect.

My luggage came through fairly quickly, but the Baggage Reclaim hall at Terminal 1 was like a suitcase graveyard. Every bit of floorspace was taken up by cases! Not sure why, surely nobody's that excited that they forget to pick up their luggage????

Anyway it was all good and here I am 24 hours later, like I've never been away!

Thought you might like to see some random photos I took while I was away...

La La Liverpool

Soooo here I am, on the train in my bargain first class seat, and I am online! For free! How awesome is that? It feels like I am living in the future!

My Liverpool weekend was just amazing from start to finish. I had an incredible deal at my hotel, I got three nights in a 4* hotel for £60 total cos I had so many loyalty points. And now that I am a non-smoker they gave me a really amazing room with an enomous bed and writing desk and huge bathtub! The hotel also had a fabulous gym, pool and sauna suite, which I made full use of.

The gigs at Comedy Central @ Baby Blue were amongst the best I have ever had, especially Saturday night's which was so much fun. The line-up also included Chris Ramsey who is a fantastic up-and-coming act and a great MC, the lovely Chris McCausland and Mat Price, who I'd not seen before but enjoyed immensely. The audiences were wonderful and 'got' everything I said!

Its been a couple of years since I've gigged in the city and boy, has it changed!!!!!!! Entirely for the better too. The marvellous new Liverpool One development meant that on Friday I had somewhere to have lunch with the gorgeous Johnny Candon who was performing at the Rawhide comedy club, and on Saturday I had an endless selection of shops to visit!

Saturday also saw me take in a visit to the Tate Liverpool, where I saw three fabulous exhibitions - the Mark Rothko Seagram paintings, the Michael Landy/Tinguely show, and a terrific sculpture exhibition that took up two floors and was filled with all kinds of brilliant stuff! If you live anywhere nearby you really owe it to yourself to take a look. You don't even have to pay!

How Exciting!!!!!!!!

So tomorrow I am off to do some gigs at Baby Blue in Liverpool.

Its been ages since I played in the city and I am really looking forward to it. Not only do I have a fab hotel with a gorgeous pool and gym, but there's also some great exhibitions on at the Tate and the Walker Galleries. All being well I should be seeing work by Michael Landy, Mark Rothko, and Bridget Riley!

All that and a chance to show off for cash too!

What The Dickens?????

So, Friday night - with Blur's The Universal still running round my brain - I took a train to Chatham, to do a gig for Jongleurs On The Road.

Most of these gigs are in theatres or arts centres and while I don't do too many of them, I've yet to have a dodgy one. In fact they're usually really lovely.

This one was in a place called Dickens World. As in Charles Dickens. The bloke wot wrote Oliver Twist, who never lived a day of his life in Chatham!

I'd had all kinds of warnings from my peers about what a horrible gig it is, but I refused to let their words get to me, I was looking forward to it. After all, a Charles Dickens inspired theme park has gotta be pretty amazing, right?

Misconception number one is that its a theme park. From the outside it looks like a huge Allied Carpets superstore. It blends in beautifully with all the other units on this nondescript retail park.
Inside, it went from faceless lobby, to country style bar, to full on film set space that looked very much like they'd inherited it from Lionel Bart's Oliver, then through to the Britannia Theatre where the show was due to take place. This part of the building looked like another gig I've done a few times - The Swan Theatre in High Wycombe -all completely bizarre!

The bill was strong - fabulous Andrew Bird, wonderful Orangutan expert Noel Britten, and new to me but not to showbiz act Kev Orkian (its an abridged version of his real name apparently, not a play on Jack Kevorkian the suicide doctor) - the audience were really lovely, and the show was really good fun.

I have to give a shout out to the staff all of whom were so helpful and generous and made us all feel a bit special. What a treat!

Last night saw me back Up The Creek - I was there last weekend as MC and had two blinding nights - but this time I was there to do a set. It's been ages since I've done a set anywhere and I was nervous. As a compere you can really own this room, so there was a risk I might die on my ass doing a turn. As it turns out, that was most definitely not the case. I had a blast, I f**king loved it, and from now on I am going to be doing more sets. Sometimes its nice to have all the glory for yourself!

Even tho I could've buggered off as soon as I was done, I didn't. I stuck around and watched one of my comedy faves Otiz Canneloni MC - magnificent as always - as well as two more of my favourite men on the circuit Paul Sinha and Craig Campbell - both of whom were a joy to watch.

What a cracking weekend!

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!

To The Comedy Store!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I went to their 30th Birthday show and party on Monday night and had a whale of a time!



I genuinely can't remember a night as much fun as this!

Thank you guys xxx

Catching Up...

So I managed to blog about my sore hand but didn't mention my gigs last weekend which were really good fun. I was in Portsmouth, doing Jongleurs at Gunwharf Quays, on the bill with fabulous people like Christian Reilly, Adam Crow and Tom Stade (Friday) and Sean Collins (Saturday). We all had a great time as you would expect from such strong acts. I also spent Saturday afternoon down there checking out the 'bargains'.

In my experience, these outlet places rarely offer the deals we hope they will, but I actually did get a result last Saturday. I got a pair of SuperDry jeans for £22! Its amazing, but when you are a 'normal' size there are deals to be had all over the place.

With that in mind on Monday I joined a gym not too far from where I live. The credit crunch has had a very positive effect on these places. I got a brilliant membership that gives me damn near 24hr access to classes, a pool and the very well equipped gym for £48 a month. That's £2 less than I was paying six years ago for an off-peak Mon-Fri membership at my previous gym.

I had been working out at home, and it was good, but I'd started to get bored with the weights, crunches, squats etc., plus I need to step up the cardio side of things. I know I could have just walked or run anywhere really fast for an hour, but there's something a bit more comforting about getting sweaty in a room full of other sweaty people. Its more seemly somehow.

Then of course on Tuesday I cut my bloomin' hand open which kinda scuppered plans for the induction on Thursday. I did however still go down there and do an hour's cardio - don't need your hands for the treadmill, right? It felt amazing! So amazing that I went back on Friday and did it again. Apart from the health benefits, going to the gym three times a week will keep me outta the shops which is definitely a good thing!

Friday and Saturday I was MC'ing at Bow Jongleurs. I shoulda been in Southampton, but with the hand and all, I couldn't drag/carry a case, so they very kindly moved me closer to home.

Friday night's show was fantastic. The audience were a bit sluggish at first but I worked my ass off and got em in the right mood for a terrific night of comedy from Sean Meo, Paul Thorne and Adam Bloom. Saturday they were anything but sluggish! A packed house, about seven or eight large stag parties, half of Columbia's national product shared between them, and an ocean of booze consumed before the show even started.

I was less a comedian, more a lion tamer/school teacher. I got em sitting down and facing the right way, then got Sean Meo on who didn't hesitate to show them who was boss. Next up was Rob Deering. I really rate Rob but in a pissing contest with a room full of "geezers" he's gonna find it tough, and he did. They just didn't give him a chance. Afterwards of course people were coming up and saying how much they enjoyed him. Sod's law innit? Paul Thorne closed the show, and like Sean, his years of experience showed as he hit the ground running and took control. I would've liked an opportunity to tell a few more jokes, but people were laughing and I think they had a good night. Sometimes its not about us.

The spring heatwave seems to be holding, so I am off out to do yoga and cardio... I remember the days when a Sunday was spent trying to remember the bloke next to me in bed's name and mainlining Resolve! I've changed!

Post-Easter Post

So I had a cracking weekend at Up The Creek. The bill was amazing, really strong young whippersnapper Kevin Bridges who at 22 is scarily talented, my old mucker Dominic Holland who I've not worked with for the best part of a decade, and magnificent Mike Gunn whose Gok Wan routine is funny cos its true!

Both Mike and I were in comedy heaven watching Dominic. He really is a master craftsman when it comes to gags, he leaves no comedy corner untouched. It's a lesson in how to do it watching him! Offstage he's still the same lovely, generous man he always was.

Yesterday I met up with some good mates for a lunch at Joe Allen. Its the first time I've been back there since I leapt blindly off the wagon on the night before New Years Eve and had to be carried out. If I hadn't changed my hair colour I doubt I'd have had the guts to go back! Obviously I wasn't on the blacklist cos not only did they let me in, we were given a free glass of champagne! That's how it all started last time. The reality of course is that infinitely more famous people than me have been carried out in far worse states from that place during its history I'm sure.

What else has been going on? Well last week saw me ooop North on Inheritance Watch... the fact that I came back to London and back to work tells you I'm no closer to getting my hands on the dosh! My Dad is gonna live forever and actually, for all my cynicism, I am really happy about that.

I'm back at the yoga with a vengeance, and found a new teacher who takes us beginners far further than any of the others. She's German I think, and as she barks her instructions, we all obey the orders!

I've noticed that I can feel far more bones -ribs, hips, gawd knows what! - and thought it was cos I was losing weight, but actually its because of the stretching. My spine is elongating and my posture is improving as a result! Yoga is da bomb!

The other wonderful thing in my life at the moment is The Wire. Just about every comic I know watched it either on Sky or via DVD box sets, but I'd resisted till it came onto BBC2 a couple of weeks back. Five nights a week is a helluva commitment, but so far I've stuck to it. Dominic West is sooooooooo handsome and his character McNulty is very sexy, but its Omar the gay drug dealer I'm loving watching. Let's hope I stick with it!

This weekend I get to go to Portsmouth and I am really looking forward to it. If the sun is shining, it'll be a fab chance to get some walking in. Not to mention good gigs with a cracking line-up.

I Am A Mystery Wrapped Inside An Enigma yada yada yada

Sooooooooo I had a cracking time in Brighton.

Two of the three gigs were excellent, the Saturday late show marred by a crazy woman who at first was talking loudly to herself, then trying to mask her drunkenness/madness by pretending to talk into her mobile! I was actually trying to be compassionate towards her, but the beeeeyatch turned on me! It took three bouncers and the venue manager to get the witch out! Still she didn't ruin my birthday cos it was already technically Sunday by then.



The lads I was working with made it special The Raymond and Mr Timkins Revue bought me a card and a cake, Dan Evans (who is on just the best form ever!) gave me a copy of his book, and Rufus Hound bought me a delicious latte in Tootsies. How rock and roll am I?

I gave my walking boots a good workout earlier in the day walking from Hove to Brighton city centre on the pebbly beach. It's a great way of strengthening my ankles and making the boots more comfy. I can see myself making a few more trips to Brighton over the summer as part of my Himalaya training. Good excuse eh?

Of course getting older is a great reason to buy myself something nice - like I ever need encouragement! - and I decided to go for something a bit special. I browsed the jewellery, clothes and shoe shops of Brighton but there was nothing that tickled my fancy. Then I went for a look in Art Republic in the Laines and there I found it. A signed Jamie Reid God Save the Queen print in a fabulously over-the-top gold frame! Even better it was small enough to get it home! That and the difference in price is what made me pick it over the Banksy! It looks amazing in pride of place on my 'gallery' wall.

The other present I got - bit of a theme developing here - is a vintage punk rock leather biker's jacket. I found it in Camden market (of course) and it was a right bargain at £45! It stinks of patchouli oil, desperation and bitterness as all aging punks do! It doesn't have any studs on it tho, so that leads me to my dilemma today.

There's a fantastic shop in Noel Street called Kleins, which sells every kinda stud you could ever want and I plan to go and stock up, but its also the day of the G20 protests and whilst I was happy to be an anarchist 30-odd years ago, today I just wanna wear the clothes! I'm wondering if the great unwashed masses with their various agendas will be invading the West End and the tubes? I'm all for public transport to save the environment, but I think I might have to book a car to take me!

Jeez I am so bourgeois!

I Feel Goooooood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soooooooo the sunshine came out finally, and boy have I been making the most of it. Lots of walking around town - I have another motive for that, more later - lots of hanging out with friends, lots of positivity. Oh and I changed my hair colour as you can see from the photo!

I've been brunette for a whole week, and have had waaaaaaaaay more attention than I did in the last year as a blonde! I was trying to work that whole Aggy Deyn look but the reality was I was more Myra Hindley I think! So I bit the bullet and got the ever-patient Patrick to slap some brown dye on, and I love it!

So that was Monday, Tuesday I had a mad dash to Nomad in Russell Square for a pair of Scarpa walking boots.

Wednesday I went to see The Wrestler. I kind of enjoyed it but it was really tragic too. Seeing Mickey Rourke looking the way he does is heartbreaking. Back in the early 80's he was over here making a film called A Prayer For The Dying, and turned up at the Cafe de Paris one Wednesday night.

As every female in the club got a bit sticky all at once, he actually came up to me and complimented me on a Levis jacket I was wearing. It was customised with various bits of Chanel - thanks to my pal Kirsty - and he wanted one. For the rest of the time he was in London, he would turn up at the Cafe, ask for my jacket and we'd have a dance. He was sooooooo gorgeous even tho he was in character as an IRA man, which seemed to comprise of greasy hair and a green parka, and every woman in the room would've run off with him given a chance. This prompted a fair bit of resentment from the other men in the club, especially the good looking ones who would usually be the centre of attention. My old mate Pete Wylie was heard moaning one week 'If he was a UK Subs roadie, nobody would look at him twice!'

It's just really sad to see him looking the way he does now.

Thursday I got myself a bit of culture. Went off to Tate Britain to see the Triennial which unfortunately lived up to the negative criticism. The only real highlight for me was Nathaniel Mellors' GIANTBUM' which made me smile. From there I walked along the Thames to the Tate Modern and saw the Roni Horn show which I did enjoy especially the huge glass sculptures. Across the way was the Rodchenko & Popova show. I really liked Rodchenko's paintings, especially Construction no 104. Even if you didn't know that they were Russian artists, they could only be Russian. Fabulous!

The weekend was spent making the good people of Oxford laugh along with a cracking line-up - Roger D, Otiz Canneloni and Mark Walker - and we all had a good time both nights. They were my first brunette gigs and I reckon they were even more fun than the blonde ones!

Too Modest For My Own Good!

So the weekend was fantastic actually.

I'd had fun at the Funny Sides on Thursday, got to hang out with some lovely guys at Reading Jongleurs on Friday, and then on Saturday was the nerve-wracking gig.

I was booked to do the Komedia in Bath, a venue I've not played before - which always makes me a bit apprehensive - but not only that I was headlining! Scary stuff. Mind you, I was in good hands - Rob Heeney was the MC and my ride home (gawd bless him) and Alan Francis (who I'd not done a gig with in a like a billion years) and Damian Clark from Australia who was new to me.

I got the train down there, which was nice and easy - if only all train journeys were this simple! - and was blown away by the venue and the kindness and enthusiasm of the staff. All of which made me even more nervous! If it had been a dump and the people horrid, then I'd have felt less pressure to be fabulous!

I watched Rob, Alan and Damian all be fantastic, then it was my turn. I strolled out onstage and amazed myself! I had a stormer and did a cracking 25 minute set. It was just one of those perfect gigs.

Afterwards everyone was full of praise, and Polly rushed backstage with an envelope full of cash, not that I do it for the money you understand, but it is always a lovely feeling to come home with a purse full.

I realised that I often put myself down when it comes to performing. I can feel proud about other achievements in my life, but for some reason it seems wrong to me to take pride in the fact that for the last 15 years I've made a decent living telling jokes. I must be doing something right eh?

Oooooooooooohhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

..... I LOVE my job!!!!!!!!!!

After spending the week looking like a slightly less battered version of Rhianna thanks to the botox injections which left my face covered in bruises, and battling a horrible chest infection (as horrid as it was, it went away much quicker than it would've done if I was still smoking) I was beginning to wonder what else the universe had in store for me. Well the answer came when I found out that the gigs I was booked to do this weekend were not booked in with the bookers!

As luck would have it, I picked up a couple of last minute ones, and actually had so much fun that I was cool about the cock-up. Friday night saw me speeding off to Bournemouth to do the Funny Bone comedy club where I was on a bill that including my comedy brothers The Raymond and Mr Timkins Revue. The gig was fun and it was fab to see them for the first time in months. Even better I found out they'll be doing the Komedia in Brighton with me on my birthday!

Saturday saw me opening at Up The Creek. Now if you're a regular reader of my posts, you'll know how much I love this gig, but usually I'm the MC, so doing a set was a bit nerve-wracking for me. The lovely Windsor was compering and he set it all up beautifully for me. I took it and ran with it, doing around half an hour without even realising! It was so much fun and I felt so at home on that stage.

I've often said that I wouldn't wanna do an hour long show, but in a gig like last night's I could've easily gone on, I just felt 'right' somehow.

So apologies to Sean Percival and Mike Wilmot for over-running, and a huge thank you to everyone who was in the audience last night. You guys made my week.

Busier and Busier

Doing what I have no idea!

Life's been pretty mad recently, lots of running about and not achieving very much. I was gigging in Cardiff a couple of weeks ago at the Glee Club and all three nights were fantastic. The line-up was great - lovely Kevin Bridges, lovely John Wharburton and lovely Justin Moorhouse who I haven't worked with for years!

I even did a bit of telly for ITV Wales about how the credit crunch was affecting comedy, thank god so far it isn't! All the gigs I've done recently have been sell outs! Yayyyy for not having to get a proper job just yet.

Last week in amongst the snow and blizzards I celebrated my two year anniversary, well my new stomach's two year anniversary. I celebrated not by eating cake but by stepping up my training regime - just cos I can! This is the longest I have ever lost weight and kept it off, and I'll admit it's not as simple as just getting the op and then eating what I like but less of it, it's bloody hard work. But my God it's worth it!

Last weekend I was at Reading Jongleurs and it made a pleasant change to be able to come home every night. We had an ever-changing bill due to the snow but it gave me chance to catch up with old friends like Jason Wood and Adam Bloom both of whom were as fabulous as ever!

Last Weekend...

... I was in Manchester gigging at the fantastic Frog & Bucket and the lovely Opus Lounge, and boy did I have fun!

I was headlining which is a special kind of pressure, but I'm proud to say I rose to the challenge, and loved it! My old mate Tony Burgess was MC'ing - he took a break from the circuit for a few years while he was busy being a writer for telly - Ideal was one of his gems - and it was fantastic to have him back!

The other guys on the bill, Steve Shanyaski and Colin Roche were new to me and both of them had me laughing hard. On Thursday night I even got to meet my namesake JoJo Sutherland. I'd never seen her before, she was wonderful.

I got a pretty decent deal at the Malmaison cos I couldn't face staying at the hotel the club puts you up in, and having a gorgeous room to come back to made everything that little bit more special. As did the wonderful shops in Manchester city centre.

It was the tail end of the sales at most of them, but there was new stock coming in too, so I got a couple of gorgeous frocks from Zara, a divine Bottega Veneta handbag and wallet in the Harvey Nicks sale, and the most glamourous Mary Janes from the Russell & Bromley sale! I could barely close my case when I left on Sunday morning!

Last night I went with my pal Al to see Grace Jones at the Roundhouse and I am still awestruck by the experience 24 hours later! It was one of those things that could so easily have turned out wrong, but Ms Jones is a brilliant example to all of us of the joys of aging! Her voice is better than ever, the staging was phenomenal, the band excellent, the costumes simple yet stunning! Money well spent.

Gigging Again

Soooooo last week I jetted (well trained) off to Leicester to do gigs at Jongleurs and jolly fine gigs they were too. This is partly down to the cracking line-up - Steve Harris, Chris Cairns and Curtis Walker - and partly down to the audiences. Friday night's audience especially. It was just one of those perfect nights which builds and builds and builds. Fabulous!

The week's been pretty dramatic with boob trouble forcing me to cancel my gig on Tuesday night, hopefully I'm on the right road now.

I'd better be, I'm off to Manchester in a couple of hours to do a weekend of gigs at The Frog & Bucket and the Opus Lounge. It's been a while since I've been up there so I'm really looking forward to the gigs, the shopping and the hotel! God bless the credit crunch, I've managed to get a VERY nice room at the Malmaison for practically a Travel Inn price. Woohooo!!

Blimey Is It 2009 Already?!?!?!?!?!?

So it's been ages since I wrote owt worth reading, just posted lots of pics including the one above of me and the fabulous Sharon at the Glee. Now where do I start?

Well all the Christmas shows were dream gigs in every sense. The audiences were all fabulous, I didn't even stumble on my heels, and all the acts were so cool both on and offstage. Finishing the season with a week at The Glee Club was one of my cleverest decisions. It was so chilled, everyone did their jobs and we all had a laugh.


Me and the lovely Mr Collins. Look at my crow's feet! Time for more botox I think!

Christmas was nice and quiet, I had a fabulous Xmas Eve lunch with my pals including Mickey Hutton, Steve Amos and Gina Yashere at Balans in Soho - it was great to catch up with everyone and hear Gina's tales of comedy LA style. It sounds wild out there! I'm gonna get my act together this year and go over for a visit.

The night before New Year's Eve saw me going for dinner with Steve at Joe Allen's. Now its been a while since I've taken more than the odd drink, but my god I made up for it with the White Russians! I arrived at 8.30 looking like a lady, and left around 1.30 looking like a sack of crap! What a mess!

This meant of course, that NYE at The Glee Club was a very sedate affair. Even J20 was too strong a drink for me! Luckily I was able to disguise just how rough I felt with make-up and a gorgeous vintage dress that was from the 80's and looked like a Claude Montana, and I managed to have two wonderful gigs. I stuck around for a sip of champagne at midnight, and long enough to wish everyone a great 2009, before wandering back to the hotel.

My first 'normal' gig of the year was at Camden Jongleurs, and it was great to be back. We all had a fabulous time it was really good fun.

Monday saw me cabbing it to Welbeck Hospital at 6.30am (!) for what is hopefully my last bit of surgery. The op was to have my boobs re-lifted and it went like a breeze. So well in fact, that when I first came round I thought they hadn't even started operating yet and was trying to let em know not to cut cos I was awake!

By 11.15 I was having a cuppa coffee and a hobnob - feeling fantastic and by 6pm I was in my jammies at home. What a result.

Check Me Out!!!!!!!

I am gobsmacked at this photo taken onstage just before Christmas at The Glee Club in Birmingham by the lovely Errol Brown. I never dreamed I could look this amazing!

Christmassssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So here I am back at the fabulous Radisson Hotel in Leeds having just done show one of about 20 Christmas gigs.

Personally I can't really think of a better way to begin the "pay my tax bill" errr festive season than with a week of shows at Leeds Jongleurs. The whole package - gig, hotel, city and bill - is just perfect to ease you into the whole season of good will and too much booze.

Since I got back from Malaysia my gigs have just been getting better and better. I am so loving being onstage and seem to have this new-found confidence. Obviously, feeling better about how I look physically and being fitter than ever helps enormously, but its more than that. I feel like I've finally found my voice. I love being onstage and talking to people and connecting with people. By vocalising some of my deepest and darkest thoughts I'm learning that, just like the Buddha taught, we are all the same essentially. We're all seeking the same thing - happiness - and we all have our own ways of getting there. So on nights when some random thought pops into my head and straight out of my mouth and then connects with a room full of strangers its like some kind of magic! I love it!

The other thing my trip to Kuala Lumpur has done for me is cure me of my shopping addiction. Four weeks of running around markets and shopping malls every day - apart from the various days I spent in hospital - has kinda filled me up shopping wise. Mind you, here in Leeds there's both a massive Primark and a fantastic Harvey Nichols, so I guess the next week will show me whether or not I'm really over it.

One reason for the lack of need to shop is that for the first time in my life, clothes I wore this time last year fit me again this year!!!!! I've never had that before they've either been miles too big or miles too small. As I dug out all my sparkly little Xmas frocks I was overwhelmed that they all still fit me! Granted they're looser than they were this time last year due to the amount of skin that's been removed and the additional weight loss, but it's not like I was a size 28 this time last year.

I'm even wearing heels onstage. I can't say I'm walking any better in them, but it feels good to be all glam and girly!

Back In The Saddle... Big Time!!!!!!

Sooooo all three of last weekend's gigs at Jongleurs in Birmingham were amazing. I loved being onstage, I loved the vibe in the dressing room hanging with the other comics and I loved the crowd.

I spent the start of the week running round like the proverbial blue-assed fly, getting flu jabs which knocked me for six, getting my hair done which perked me right up and made me feel more like me (especially when Patrick told me he reckoned my hair is really growing back. Gawd bless Lesley and her tip for taking Sea Kelp.

I also did a very speedy catch up round Oxford Street's shops...got some fab pvc leggings in TopShop and a couple of gorgeous dresses in H&M - very 80's!

I spent a good few hours sleeping off my jet lag - 16 hours in one stretch at one point! - saw my GP to get my wounds checked over and was told the scars were beautiful. I was sent off with more dressings, anti-biotics and some magic steroid tape that will make the keloids disappear under my arms.

I've also managed somehow to work every single night since Wednesday! Each one has been such fun. Some I've MC'd and some I've done sets and each one has been a chance to catch up with my comedy chums and witness some great comedy. I even saw a new comic - well new to me - last night at Up The Creek who was incredible! His name is Robert White and he just was a fabulous revelation to me. He's gonna be huge! Trust me.

So tonight it's The Lights Theatre in Andover...I've never been to the town/city before let alone the gig but its a fantastic bill yet again so I know its gonna be fun.

Onstage Again!!!!!!!!

Wow! I can't begin to express how much I'm enjoying my gigs at Birmingham Jongleurs this weekend!

After a month off I was more than a little nervous as the familiar strains of Robbie's Let Me Entertain You blasted out on Thursday night. I hadn't a clue what I'd talk about, and couldn't really remember what it is I did up there!

By the time my hand grabbed the mic I was away! The gags flowing thick and fast, the audience laughing up a storm, my cheekiness quotient upped by about a gazillion since the last time I did a gig almost five weeks ago.

Apart from my time onstage which was sheer bliss for me - and hopefully the crowd - there was the opportunity to watch the other comedians. Thursday's bill was Trevor Crook, Dougie Dunlop and Brian Higgins, three guys who never fail to crack me up. As I sat at the back of the room watching them, I realised just how lucky I am to have found this life.

Friday saw me hanging out with the divine Alastair from the Glee and 'Tricky' Dave Johns who from here on in shall be known as 'Pissy Dave'. We had lunch at the noodle bar in the basement at the marvellous Selfridges here in Brum (the building never fails to inspire me), with me plumping for a Thai Green Curry that was delicious - they also had Nasi Gorgeng on the menu, but I've had enough of that over the last four weeks!

Then the three of us did a circuit of the shop itself and I somehow found myself purchasing a fur coat from the Joseph concession! The PETA people out there can put the paint cans down, this is basically a lambskin coat - reversable - and was made by the skins left over from lamb chops. I never eat them, so I figure I can wear the coat with impunity. Its not like they killed those lambs for me!

The best laugh came as I realised I'd left my "big" credit card back in London - on purpose! - and so we tried to barter the salesgirl down with a Tesco Reward Card and two first class stamps! Eventually I did manage to sort out the funds and left with a huge carrier bag and an even huger smile on my face!

There was another cracking show last night at the club. With a totally different bill. We had Josh Howie, Daliso Chaponda and Colin Cole. It was fantastic to see all of them both in the dressing room and onstage, and I enjoyed regaling them with my surgery horror stories. I even ended up doing stuff onstage about it! Gawd I love this game!!!

What Have I Been Doing??????

Maybe the novelty of blogging has worn off, or maybe it's just that life is taking over a bit these days.

This weekend I was in Portsmouth doing Jongleurs with a cracking line-up of comedians - the fantastic Craig Campbell, the lovely Simon Clayton and the wonderful Andy Askins. The gigs were interesting in all kinds of ways, the only trouble was caused by people who really cannot handle their drink, which is such a pity as both nights had the makings of cracking gigs. Still we all did the business and then some!

There was an added bonus in that the acts who were appearing in Southampton had to stay at our hotel cos the Boat Show was on there and all the hotels had quadrupled their rates to cash in - how very shortsighted, they'll be glad of us when nobody else wants to stay in their poxy hotels!

Anyway it was a treat for me as it meant I got to hang out with my great mate Mickey Hutton, we spent most of the sunny Saturday walking round the shops, having a laugh and spending very little - a bonus in all ways!

Last weekend I was at Up The Creek which is always fabulous but last Saturday night's show is up there in my top 5 of this year, it was just the perfect night with a near perfect bill including John Fothergill and Ricky Grover...it was bliss!

Tomorrow I'm doing a benefit gig at The Comedy Store - Stand-up For Shelter. It's another strong bill, and a terrific cause so get yer asses down there!

For One Night Only

I've just seen the amazing Milton Jones on the new ITV 'Variety" show and I wanna saw how totally, incredibly, brilliantly awesome he was! Gawd I miss him on the circuit!

It's Over!!!!!!

So today is the day that everyone starts packing up and heading back from the Edinburgh Festival. I recall all to well how depressing that is, trying to clean the rented flat enough to get your deposit back, trying to fit all the jumpers you've had to buy while you were up there into a case filled with unworn summer clothes, doing your final show tonight (assuming you sell enough tickets to actually do a show tonight, the place is deserted!) and doing all of those things with a raging hangover and/or comedy flu.

All the awards have been dished out - massive congrats to Sarah Millican who won Best Newcomer, well deserved sista! - the bills are piling up and the depression's begun to kick in. The more affluent comics with be jetting off to somewhere hot and peaceful, and the poorer ones will be attempting to adjust to doing a mere 20 minutes again after a month of doing an hour every night.

I went up about 10 days ago for my 48 hour blitz, saw my great friend Stephen K Amos's show - Find The Funny - which  was excellent. It was a perfect hour of Steve doing what he does best, being funny! No messages, no great confessions, just gags. How brave of him!

Other than Steve's show I didn't see any comedy. We went and saw a dreadfully dated play and some dance thing that didn't live up to it's publicity, and frankly after those two experiences - especially the play which went on for 90 minutes, I felt like a bloody hostage! - I wasn't inclined to commit to anyone else's performances! Well none that I could blag into that is. Even with Steve "The Last King of Scotland" we couldn't blag freebies for Joan Rivers, and comedy chums like John Gordillo, Rhod Gilbert and Tim Vine were all sold out with no standing room even for an ace ligger like me.

I did do a fair bit of socialising tho, having drinks with Roy Walker, Jim Jeffries and various other characters, showing off my new face and figure to old pals who haven't seen me in a while - one of the nicest compliments was Michael MacIntyre saying 'I used to know your mum', bless him - and generally just hanging out and chatting with a ton of people in the biz. I had a blast but 48 hours was plenty!

Every year I say I'm gonna do a show "next year" and every year I come to my senses in the nick of time. This time however I've actually got something I'd like to do, so who knows, maybe you'll see me wandering around the streets in the rain handing out flyers next August!

Catching Up

Blimey! It's been a while hasn't it?

I guess the irony of blogging is that when you have the most to blog about, you're too busy doing it to write about it!

I spent last week being poisoned by extreme anti-biotics courtesy of A&E in Preston. Having gone up north to take care of my Dad for a few days, he ended up looking after me! I had a couple of cracking gigs in Manchester on Saturday night tho, inspite of the amount of time I'd spent on the loo.

Monday night saw me being taken out to the theatre. I was treated to a performance of The Harder They Come at the Playhouse Theatre on the Embankment. If you haven't had a chance to catch it yet, do yourself a favour and go! It was fabulous! The cast are all individually wonderful and collectively they make it a wonderful night out. I was pleasantly surprised to see two of my old comedy chums - Marcus Powell and Chris Tummings - in the show. They're terrific actors and great singers too.

Yesterday saw me in Cambridge for their Comedy Festival. It was pouring with rain - welcome to summer - so a gig in a tent in a park didn't seem very promising. I was very pleasantly surprised to see a packed house all braving the elements, and well up for a laugh! Cheers folks.

Today I saw a quirky little documentary called Man on Wire. Its about a french guy called Phillippe Petit who 35 years ago, walked on a tightrope between the twin towers of the World Trade Centre. Its a BBC production so expect to see it on BBC2 or BBC4 sometime soon, but it was worth shelling out for a cinema ticket to see it. It was very uplifting to see someone pursue their dream with such vigour and passion!

PFT*

*aka Pre-Festival Tension

So this weekend I was up in Edinburgh for gigs at Jongleurs and had a cracking time.

It was a fantastic bill, Dave Johns, Dougie Dunlop and newish Aussie boy Daniel Townes, and all of us did the business both nights, especially on Friday night when there was something like 250 guys on stag nights and only 30 women. It was a challenging night to say the least! Typical of my luck, even with all those men in one place, I still came out sucking my thumb!

I spent Saturday in the company of Mssrs Johns and Dunlop and we even met up with an old mate in the shape of Tony Burgess who I've not seen in years! It was great to spend some time with him.

All over Edinburgh you could see people getting ready for the Festival which starts this week - it seems to get earlier every year! - jugglers practicing in the parks, leafletters practicing annoying people on the Royal Mile, and posters everywhere advertising those members of the comedy fraternity who will very shortly be funding the early retirement of various publicans and landlords in the city.

I prefer to line the pockets of Mr Harvey Nichols personally, and this weekend was no exception. The end of the sale produced some genuine bargains and I found myself with bags full of dresses by Ghost (£600 worth of frocks for £150) and Donna Karan, a gorgeous Alexander McQueen at about a third of the original price, and my piece de resistance a Bottega Veneta woven leather bag that was waaaaaaaaaay outta my price range originally and only just in it at half price but worth every penny!

Ooooh I do love a bargain!

Work?

So this weekend I am kinda working but maybe not. I am a 'spare' for Jongleurs which means I am on stand-by incase someone goes sick/gets lost/car breaks down etc., etc.

It's a weird one cos potentially its money for old rope in that I get dressed and go to my local club which is the lovely Camden, I sit there, and wait for the phone to ring till about 10pm when I am free to go. So I could get paid for doing nowt, but its a bit like, erm pleasuring yourself and the batteries cutting out just before the conclusion!

Of course I could get a call telling me to get my ass down to Battersea or across London to Bow, so in a way its all very exciting too! We'll see.

My good mate Mickey Hutton is the MC at Camden so at least I get to hang out with him and hear his version of Freebird which he always plays before he brings an act on after the interval.

Where Do I Begin??????

OK I have damn near two weeks' worth of stuff to tell you all about, so I guess it makes sense to go right back to the start and break it down.

Gig wise, I've had some crackers. I had a brilliant night up at Leeds Jongleurs, then I did a set (my new set!) at Reading Jongleurs both the weekend before last. I can't tell you how energising it is to have tons of new jokey jokes!

Post surgery I MC'd Camden Jongleurs last weekend. The line up was fantastic - gorgeous Greg Davies who makes me feel all petite and girly, mainly cos when he hugs me my face hits the middle of his chest, we also had Tony Hendricks, Geoff Boyz, Jason John Whitehead who I've not seen perform for ages and who was just a sheer joy to behold, and the 'so amazing its terrifying' Jack Whitehall. I first saw Jack doing a set at the Hospital in Covent Garden and couldn't believe that this mere babe in arms was capable of such confidence and terrific material. He's 19 and going places extraordinarily fast believe me! He did the open spot both nights and just killed the crowds with his charm and gags.

Sunday night saw me hitching a ride with Kevin Shepherd to do a gig in a leisure centre in Milton Keynes. It also happened to be my 15th anniversary as a comedian. I'd been booked by special request apparently and was down to do a 40 minute set. I had loads of new stuff that I wanted to try out so I was really looking forward to it. The money wasn't great, but it didn't matter, it'd be great to have the space and time to play around and work in the new stuff, including some Amy Winehouse stuff I'd come up with over the weekend, that I was dying to do again!

We got there to find the bar heaving with people watching the Euro Football final - who would've thought a newtown could produce so many Spanish and German fans? Sadly the crowd that were waiting for comedy numbered two. Yep two people had bought tickets and so they pulled the show. I have to be honest, I was relieved they didn't try and press gang people into watching to make the numbers up, but it was a damn shame cos I really, really wanted to do the show! I'd even put my make-up on!!!!

Its a bloody good job I haven't got a massive ego that's for sure! I'd have been crushed for weeks!

In other news, I've been a bit social. I went to my pal Micky Flannagan's wedding down in Greenwich which was a beautiful day out. His gorgeous missus Catherine was just glowing and Micky had scrubbed up well, but the one with the real 'wow' factor is Max, his fabulous son! He's all blonde curls and cherubic face and just scrumptious!

I also had a wonderful trip to the Regent's Park Open Air Theatre to see my great friend Stephen K Amos doing his comedy. It was my first time at the Theatre and it was amazing! What a great space! Shame nobody thought to warn me about how cold it gets tho! Thank God Steve was funny, the laughs kept me from hard-core hypothermia!

The night was rounded off with cocktails at the Dorchester darling! We were taken there - some of us in a chauffer driven car - by one of Steve's friends and what a perfect way to round off the night. My first time in the Dorchester too!

The next day I went to get my carpal tunnel sliced at the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital, and in this time of firsts, I had my first ever operation under local anasthetic. I can't tell you how freaky that is! Being awake and aware of the surgeon cutting at my hand and tugging on the carpal tunnel itself in order to rid me of the RSi! I could even tell when she was doing the stitches! It went so smoothly, I got the bus home! How mad is that? I've spent the last 9 days wearing a rubber glove on my right hand whenever I need to go near water, and I have to sleep on my back, but other than that there's no hardship really. Other than not being able to type for long enough to do my blog!

In keeping with the theme of a time of "firsts", I also had my first ever colonic irrigation last Thursday! A delicate, softly spoken lady called Victoria made what was potentially an incredibly embarrassing situation seem as normal as it possibly could be, and cliche of cliches an hour later I really did feel like a HUGE weight had been lifted off my shoulders! Well maybe a bit lower down than my shoulders but you get the idea. The next morning when I got on the scales I'd lost 4lbs too! I guess I truly was full of shit!

Just The Kick Up The Ass I Needed!

Soooo last night for the first time in a year I made my way back to BarCode in Soho to do a gig at Comedy Camp. The last time I did it I'd just got back from Hong Kong, and I had a really bad dose of Hong Kong pooey. The last thing I felt like doing was a gig but I didn't wanna let Simon, whose club it is, down at very short notice.

I was jet lagged and not in a great headspace when he dropped the news that a "critic" was gonna be coming along to review me. I knew that there was no way in a billion years he was gonna write anything good, so I was pissed off long before the gig even began.

Needless to say, I was right. He slagged me off like I've never been slagged off in my life! Oh well, chalk it up to Karmic payback. I once slagged off Kajagoogoo in Smash Hits, so we're all fair and square.

At that point I'd lost a fair amount of weight and some of my old material was in no way relevant, but I was suffering from some kinda writer's block and a bit pre-occupied with events offstage in my life, so I wasn't confident in what I was delivering either. And to put it frankly, I was bored with the gags!

Anyway I sulked and avoided doing the gig for a full 12 months, until last night, when I returned armed with a brand new 20 minute set to go with my brand new titties and face! Guess what folks? It killed!!!!!! I had a fantastic gig and was dead proud of myself for doing the new stuff, some of which had only surfaced as one liners at the Comedy Cafe last weekend!

To add the icing on an already fabulous comedy cake, before the show started I was sitting backstage with Chris Neill, who was excellent by the way, when the guy off the door came and said there was someone asking for me at the door. I was expecting my pal Steve but it wasn't him, it was my old mate Ross Noble!!!! I cannot even remember the last time I saw Ross, but I have a horrible feeling it was like six years ago in Melbourne! He'd just flown in from Oz and was out and about to stave off the inevitable jet lag, and he chose my gig to keep him awake! No pressure then eh?

I've known Ross for billions of years and even with his huge success he's still the same cool, kind guy he always was. Sometimes the right people get success!

Today I had a little dose of culture - after having a spray tan for a special outing this weekend - I had an invite to a private view of Cy Twombly's retrospective at the Tate Modern. What a treat it was too!!!! I have to be honest, some of the early stuff didn't really 'do it' for me, but the later works like the four part Quattro Stagioni and the sheer beauty of Hero and Leander just blew me away. Check it out people!

Across the way was the Street and Studio: Urban History of Photography show, which if you like yer photographs, is pretty essential viewing. There's some fascinating photos from the late 19th century, stuff by Weegee and Mapplethorpe, Cecil Beaton, all of the greats and some great unknowns. This pair of shows will enliven the dullest of British 'summer' afternoons, trust me.

Tomorrow I am off up to Leeds for a one off gig at Jongleurs and as usual with that club I am very excited to be doing it. See you there!

One Step Beyond...

Shoreditch was my destination gig-wise last weekend, and what a cracking weekend it was!

Following my all too brief sojourn in the theatre, it's back to the circuit with a vengeance! MC'ing the Comedy Cafe, with one of the strongest bills I've ever introduced there - Steve Williams (who I saw perform for the first time and who I totally loved watching!), the gorgeous Nick Revell and the fabulous Ricky Grover. Thursday we had the addition of a new - to me - act called Steve Whiner who was just amazing too, bonus!

The Cafe used to be a bit of a comedy battleground back in the day. The crowds were lairy and it was always an "us and them" situation. Not any more, and certainly not this weekend! It was just incredibly laid back, and the kinda gig where you could try out a half formed idea and turn it into a routine over the course of three gigs. Which is exactly what happened to me and I was only the MC! I've come away with a blinding new gag and a whole new routine! How fantastic.

I was talking on Saturday night to Nick about the vibe in the room, and he said a lot of it was down to the tone I set as MC - which was very kind of him. I said it reminded me of a gig that used to run in Islington called the Meccano Club. You could go there with an idea and try it out and the audience would give you the space to do that. It makes for a special evening for both act and audience alike.

So that was all marvellous. The daytimes were pretty good too, bit of shopping, some beauty treatments, and a meeting on Saturday in Wimbledon with a representative of the company who are organising my 'surgery holiday' to Malaysia in October.

As the NHS cannot even sit down to discuss whether or not to pay for most of the surgery I need to rid myself of the rest of the loose skin, I've turned to a company called Gorgeous Getaways. The prices are incredible, a fraction of UK charges, but that's not the reason I am using them particularly. In addition to a far longer stay in hospital than you get here, you also get recovery in a 5 star hotel, with a nurse coming to see you every day to help you wash and change your dressings and anything else you might need. As a single woman, this is the kind of aftercare I need.

The package I've chosen is wonderful, two weeks recovery in Kuala Lumpur - which I am so excited about visiting - and then seven nights in am spa resort in Malaysia where they have an orangutang sanctuary!!!!! Plus, the nurse etc! How cool is that???? Massages and monkeys!!!!!!!!!

Sunday evening saw me getting all dressed up and heading off to the Colony Room in Soho. My pal Stephen K Amos was filming a tv show called 'Suggs in the City' there. Incidentally a huge congratulations to Steve who won a Royal Television Society award last night for his documentary Batty Boy! Well done babe!

Anyway, I'd heard of this club, but never been inside which is odd considering my Soho drinking career had led me to some very, very salubrious joints over the last 30 years. I knew that my art idol Francis Bacon drank there back in the day, Jeffrey Bernard was a regular, along with just about every other London character ever. I was dying to see what it looked like!

It was so small that they have to have the green room upstairs in a Japanese restaurant across the road and that was where I met Steve. The other guests were Jools Holland, Lisa Stansfield and The Dirty Pretty Things. We met Suggs who I feel like I know, but don't. I guess its cos I've watched him grow up really. I remember getting into see one of Madness's early gigs at the Nashville in West Kensington when John Lydon couldn't!

Jools I haven't seen to talk to since Malcolm Hardee's 50th birthday which has gotta be about eight or nine years ago now. I knew there was no chance he'd remember or even recognise me - I don't look much like I did back then! So I introduced myself and reminded him. It was great to catch up and reminisce about a great mate.

The show was filmed with an audience and gawd knows how we all managed to get into this teeeeeny tiny room!!!!! It might be a member's club, but the Colony sure aint no Soho House!!! I loved it tho. All bright green gloss paint on the walls and paintings, cuttings, sketches etc from the illustrious members over the years. It was sooo grungy and seedy. One other thing it was, was HOT!!!! It was hot before they put they lights on and almost unbearable when they did! Thank god I am half the woman I was. I had a slight glow and no more, not like some of the people around me who were sweating buckets!

The recording went fairly smoothly, Steve was hilarious, as was Jools. Suggs is an excellent host who made it all look very easy. Dirty Pretty Things were fantastic, I really wanna go see them do a full gig now. Lisa - I suspect - had been making good use of the rider...it'll be interesting to see how much makes it on screen when the show goes out! She and Jools did a version of My Baby Just Cares For Me which was fabulous tho.

The night was rounded off with drinks in the All Bar One with Johnny Vegas who was down to do show two, and a bit of sushi...how showbiz am I???????

'Ackney!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So that's it, the tour is over and I'm back to the comedy circuit this weekend with gigs at The Comedy Cafe in Rivington Street, incidentally its a cracking bill with the likes of Ricky Grover and Nick Revell on, so I am really looking forward to it.

Anyway the rest of the tour went off without any hitches and climaxed at the weekend with two sold out shows at the Hackney Empire. This is something of a regular event for Gina, who's sold the place out many times before, but for me it was a real big deal.

I've been on that stage twice before. The first was 15 years ago when I took part in the Hackney New Act of the Year final - along with Ricky funnily enough - I was 'unplaced'. The second time was a couple of years later, it was still the biggest theatre I'd ever played and nerves got the better of me again.

I was determined that wasn't gonna be the case this time! Saturday night was a bit scary, and actually I got maybe half a gag out due to people coming in late, late, late! Also my time had been cut to 15 mins cos Gina had lined up another act to open part 2. They were vocal group Ebony Brown who were bloody amazing! Check em out on MySpace.

So its fair to say that on Saturday night I kinda MC'd and did the job. Sunday was a different matter altogether. It was the final night and I was determined to go for it. I got dolled up to the nines in my Primark version of the Chanel star print jumpsuit that Kate Moss wore to her birthday party earlier this year. Mine was worn with cowboyboots, a huge patent belt clinching in my waist and a fab little black jacket, plus my usual 'fell into a jewellery box' collection of bangles and baubles.

Gina very generously gave me extra time, so I went out and did the routine that I'd perfected over the previous seven shows...and it killed!!!!!! I was on such a high! Before I knew it tho, my time was up...best to leave em wanting more eh?

So, once again, thanks to Gina for the chance to perform before such fabulous audiences, and for her generosity of spirit. You're a star girlfriend!

The week since has been spent catching up on the real world really, and visiting various hospitals around London - Chelsea and Westminster is still my favourite one - Monday saw me at the Royal Free. I was supposed to be getting an answer about whether or not I was gonna get my tummy tuck etc on the NHS. When I got there, they'd lost my file - it didn't bode well! After four hours of fuckery, the answer came back that I can have the stomach done for nowt, but they won't do my butt lift or the inner thighs... soooo this October I shall be boarding a plane for Kuala Lumpur to get it all done there.

Tuesday saw me at Chelsea where I was informed that my RSI of 20 years' standing is going to be cured with a simple op to release the carpal tunnel...hurrah! Jeez if it wasn't for hospital appointments I'd have no bleeding social life! I've started getting dressed up for them now!

I did treat myself with a visit to Knightsbridge afterwards and the sunshine inspired me to get those gorgeous Prada 'butterfly' sunglasses, some marvellous floral frocks from Zara and finally a Juicy Couture tracksuit! I am such a f**king cliche!!!!!! Its red with a huge glittery peace symbol on the back of the jacket and on the left hip of the bottoms and I love it to bits!!!!!!!

On The Road... Fi Real!!!!!!

So, I am about halfway into my part of the Skinny B*tch tour with Gina Yashere, and I'm loving every single minute of it!

After the false start on Friday night, Saturday's show at The Bloomsbury Theatre was my first date. I met Gina at the hotel she was staying in which was just around the corner from the gig. Sadly neither of us knew just how 'around the corner it was' and so got a cab. Even more tragically, the black cab driver didn't know either and dropped us at the other end of Bloomsbury! £8 in cabs later we we at the theatre which was in fact less than 2 minutes' walk from the hotel! We were also pretty late, as in I had 15 minutes to get me lippy on and my head right for the show!

That was probably not a bad thing as I was pretty nervous. The last time I set foot in this theatre was to see Bill Bailey film what was I think, his first DVD (tho it was probably video back in those days!). I remember looking around me, thinking how massive the place was and how on earth do you play a room that big! Now here I was, the unannounced guest at Gina's first London gig on the tour!

She did the offstage intro which was very funny, and bang! I was out there! Almost 25 minutes later, it was all over and I was bringing Gina on for the first half of her show. It kinda passed in a blur really. I went out into the auditorium to watch Gina. It was the first time I'd seen her do more than a 20 minute spot in a circuit comedy club, she was awesome! It was a real inspiration, seeing how relaxed she is onstage, taking her time, holding the audience in the palm of her hand, amazing!

Sunday saw us off to Manchester, we chilled on the train with the papers and took the tram to the hotel at Salford Quays. The gig was at the Lowry Theatre which is a fantastic place, even if they seem to have a problem displaying flyers and posters! We had some time to kill and found ourselves shopping in the big Lowry Outlet mall. Gina got a great top to wear onstage and I got a denim trenchcoat from Karen Millen.

The gig was fantastic and I was a lot more relaxed myself this time. The new ideas that I'd been unable to work in in the clubs were flowing and forming into proper "bits".

Monday night at the City Varieties in Leeds saw my 'sweatshop' bit really begin to take shape, and by last night at the Wyvern Theatre in Swindon it had become a routine! This is how you get good! I thanked Gina for the opportunity to work night after night and hone the new stuff that's been floating round my head for a while.

Since I lost the weight I've lost a ton of material too, and getting the chance to try new stuff in a supportive environment like this is just what I needed! I should be paying Gina!

Tonight we are off to the Beck Theatre in Hayes, then tomorrow its the Theatre Royal Northampton, before two sold out nights on Saturday and Sunday at The Hackney Empire....I can't wait!!!!!!!!!

Last Night's Dramas

So there I was, all set to do my first gig supporting Gina Yashere at Warwick Arts Centre. I'd pre-booked my tickets to Coventry, and was at Euston station in plenty of time to catch my train. I even bumped into Mickey Flannagan who was on his way to Manchester!

I boarded the 3.10 train, sat down and started thinking about what stuff I was gonna do at the gig. I noticed the train was running dead slow but as I was gonna be in Coventry three hours before I was due at the gig I wasn't concerned. At 4pm we were sitting at Watford Junction and I was slightly concerned as we shoulda been pulling into Coventry about now. I took my headphones off just in time to hear that there'd been a fatality up the line at King's Langley and all trains were stopping for the forseeable future. We were told to get off and board the buses that would be arriving soon to take us to Milton Keynes for connections.

So at 5pm I am still standing outside waiting for the mythical buses, along with about 600 other people. I found someone who worked for the railway, and asked him straight out what my chances were of getting to Coventry for 7.30. Thank god he was honest, cos basically there was no chance! All that woulda happened if I had gotten on one of these 'ghost' buses was that I would be stranded at Milton Keynes!

Luckily the London Overground services between Euston and Watford were running and there was one about to depart for London. I rang Gina and explained the situation. She was cool, it wasn't like she was gonna have trouble making up the time, she's been doing close to two hours onstage anyway!

Meanwhile I found myself with an unexpected night off and decided to use it constructively. I stipped the bed and put the washer on, then got on with some other work. I went into the kitchen an hour later to find the washer flashing and water all over the floor! Cue me spending my Friday night mopping the floor, and ordering a new washing machine!

We're at the Bloomsbury Theatre tonight, so I have everything crossed that I make it there in one piece!

The Weekend... Part 1

Talk about a weekend of two halves!

I reckon the best way is to split the posts between work and "play". So, here's the 'work' bit.

I did four - count em four! - gigs this weekend, and of those Thursday and Sunday's gigs were excellent, I got to improvise and got some cracking laughs.

From Thursday to Saturday night I was at Nottingham Jongleurs with the lovely Geoff Norcott who just keeps getting funnier and funnier! He was on cracking form all weekend. Marvellous Mark Walker was closing and tho I didn't see him, I heard nothing but good things.

Sunday night I was in Birmingham, doing the Bank Holiday Special show at the Jongleurs there and, blimey what a great bunch on there too! Sandy Nelson was on, doing one of his final English gigs before he moves waaaaaaaay up to Shetland, the sublime Sean Percival was MC'ing and I haven't seen him for about 4 years. We had a right laugh catching up.

The biggest treat for me (apart from having the best fun onstage in a long time) was getting to watch the fantastic Rhod Gilbert. From the first time I ever saw him, he was excellent but my god, he just goes from strength to strength!!!! His routine about his young girlfriend is one of the most honest and hilarious I've seen in a while.

Even better still, I had a nice hotel last night, so I dashed back, had a long old soak in the tub with a very wonderful Lush bath bomb, and a cracking night's sleep. Perfect.

Monday Monday

So here we are, its dry, a bit sunny and freezing cold! Must be summer eh?

I'm back from my weekend in Glasgow and what a cracking weekend it was. The sun was actually shining up there, the company was wonderful - Daliso Chaponda, Owen O'Neill and Mark Walker who were all totally fantastic. Two of my favourite Jongleurs people were there too, Kaley and Patrick, so all in all it was a total joy.

I also ventured beyond my usual stomping/shopping ground of Sauchiehall Street, and went down Buchanan Street where I found a whole bunch of fabulous shops, including Urban Outfitters and American Apparel which seems to be everywhere these days! I got a gorgeous girly APC smock dress in UO, and a really sweet flowery frock from New Look...I seem to be heading towards rocking a Darling Buds of May look at the moment!

I even got to the movies on Friday night after the gig. Mark and I went to see Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but it wasn't a date! I was really blown away by how good Russell Brand was in it! If you haven't seen it yet, check it out.

Last night I met up with my bestest pal Tracy at the revamped Paradise Bar in west London for a girly gossip, and as their chef was having an early night we went round the corner to Boys Thai cafe on the Harrow Road. I'd never been there before but I'll be going again! It was the best thai food I've had outside of Thailand, sooooooo delicious. Really cheap too!

Loving The Sunshine!!!!!!!!!

My weekend in Cardiff was fabulous! It was like being on holiday with the blazing sunshine! The bay area was just perfect and lunch on Saturday with Chris McCausland and Ian Coppinger was marvellous.

The shops on Friday didn't let me down either. The new TK Maxx in Cardiff is like Las Vegas!!!! There's even a cafe in there!

The shows were all magnificent, as was last night's at The Funny Side in Covent Garden.

Bit of a rush job this post as I am off up north for the day to sweet-up the inheritance.

More soon xx

Last Night's Gig

... was fantastic!

In the end there were 10 women taking part, and on the whole, the standard was really high. My particular favourite was Rachel Stubbings who had a really refreshing persona, I just loved it!

I got a bit sentimental at the end telling the contestants to make the most of these times, cos as they progress up the comedy ladder, they'll rarely get the chance to work with so many women.

My shimmy shimmy frock held out and I didn't fall off my heels, so all in all a great night. AND I got a bag full of Nivea goodies! Wooohoo!

So Excited!

Tonight I am hosting the London heat of the Nivea Funny Women talent show at the Soho Theatre. I've never done anything like this before and I am sooooo excited! I have a very special outfit to wear too. I love comedy!

Is It Just Me...

or has anyone else noticed that since Boris became Mayor, the sun has shone every single day? Maybe he'll be good after all!

Birmingham!!!!!!!!!

Wow! What a fantastic weekend I had in Birmingham!!!!!!!

I always love doing the Glee Club and even tho the divine Mr Cunningham wasn't there, it didn't dampen the spirits.

There was a brilliant line-up - both onstage and off - Kevin McCarthy, Andy Askins and Jon Richardson. Three more charming, entertaining and funny men it'd be hard to find anywhere. Added to that the wonderful Glee staff, especially Griffy and Tim, made it a perfect weekend work-wise.

It was also perfect in every other way, the shops in and around the Bullring didn't disappoint, although I couldn't find a single thing I wanted in Harvey Nichols. Still Selfridges made up for it as did Primark and TK Maxx, where I got a fabulous kaftan, a Betty Jackson linen top and a Christy Turlington designed yoga tracksuit.

Saturday was spent having a fabulous lunch in Wokmania. I'm normally not a fan of all you can eat buffet places and usually the food is a bit manky, but the food in this place was fabulous! The most delicious chinese food I've had in a while. Best of all, if you catch one of the leafletters, you get £2 off the already cheap bill of £6.90 for a lunch buffet.

So there ya go, great people, good food, fabulous clothes, and the sun even shone all day yesterday... what a perfect weekend!

Alexander McFrickinQueen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Soooo I spent the weekend doing gigs at the wonderful Toby Foster's Last Laugh comedy clubs in Sheffield. Thursday night at the Little Last Laugh at the Lescar Pub which was just a dream to play, then Friday and Saturday at the big Last Laugh at the Memorial Hall which was great fun too, especially on Saturday night.

The line-up was cracking - Dan Evans who's just got some blinding gags at the moment and Mat Blaize who's gone from strength to strength since I last worked with him about two years ago - with the divine Mr Foster MC'ing. It was great fun from start to finish.

I also got to indulge in my main hobby of shopping, which is always a huge bonus. Since I was last up here, they've opened a mahoooosive Primark on the corner of the same street that the hotel's on, and it was there that I got a very Luella floral frock complete with net underskirt for £12 (it was actually featured in the Sunday Times Style section today too!). What's unusual about this Primark compared to any other I've been to in the UK is that the entrance seems to be part social club, part social security office! I've never seen such a 'challenging' collection of human beings in a place where money wasn't being dispensed by the government! I guess they have to hang out somewhere to finish off their Greggs' steak slices! Btw, there appears to be even more branches of said bakery since I was last here!

It's very odd, cos while Greggs is expanding here, Starbucks has only made one inroad. There's a branch near the University, but not a single Starbucks on the main shopping drag! This is sooooo weird, cos every other city in the UK has at least three or four of the fuckers on their High Street!

Anyway, after the success in Primark I made my pilgrimage across town to TK Maxx. I almost didn't bother going cos the only things I ever seem to buy in there are jeans, hoodies and trainers and I sure as hell don't need any more of any of those things! Anyway the lure was too strong, so I gave in, and boy am I glad I did!!!!!

The 'full' priced items held no appeal to me, but I found myself in the clearance section. Normally even I don't have the patience to rummage through those rails, but a white cotton embroidered tunic/mini-dress caught my eye. It was only £7 so I picked it up and was sufficiently inspired by that find to keep going. Then I saw it, I couldn't believe my eyes, I looked at the price before I even looked at the item properly - Original price £190, Clearance price £47. I saw the manufacturer's label - Alexander McQueen. I saw the size - 8. Then, as I pulled it out, I saw that it was the one thing I've been dying to buy since I lost weight - a denim jumpsuit! I'd been holding out for the Gap one for months, and when it finally arrived in the Oxford St branch last week I was one of the first to try it on, only for my hopes to be dashed when it looked like shit on me! That one was £40 full price, a fraction of the one in my hands now. I looked at it for ages - would an 8 fit me?

Only one way to find out, I braved the changing room to try it on. Part of me wanted to buy it without trying it, cos I just soooooo wanted it! But, I decided to be sensible, and I am soooooooo glad I did! Heart in my mouth I stripped off and slid into it...not only did it fit, it looks amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was soooo excited I wore it to travel home today, and even being sent by bus to Doncaster to catch the Leeds train cos the East Midland Mainline trains were all f**ked, couldn't dampen my mood. I felt sooooo cool, so on trend in my fabulous McQueen!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm Off...

to Sheffield!

I'm doing three nights at the lovely (and very, very funny) Toby Foster's club The Last Laugh. It's been a couple of years since I was there, and I am sooooooo excited to be doing it.

The last time I was there I worked out that Sheffield city centre had more branches of Greggs the bakers than any other city in the UK...I wonder if they're still all there or if the credit crunch has seen a drop in the high fat/low nutrition baked goods market?

I'll know in a couple of hours won't I?

Gawd I Love Comedy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So last night I was doing The Funny Side of Covent Garden, a tiny, fabulous club in the basement of what used to be Rumours cocktail bar back in the day (Aaaah the 80's).

I was the closing act, which is sometimes also known as the headline act, not last night tho! The first comic on was the brilliant Harry Hill! He's about to do some gigs with Paul Zenon and Lee Mack for a charity and wanted to warm up for it.

I haven't seen Harry in the flesh for ages, years in fact. He was the headline act the night I died on my hole at Up The Creek and was kind to me then, 15 years later he's still sweet. I was chuffed to see him for loads of reasons, I got to see him perform which is always a massive treat, and I got to thank him for the genius that is TV Burp! How brilliant is that show??????? It's one of maybe three shows in the history of TV ever that makes me laugh out loud every single week.

The best thing about seeing Harry again was that as he was a doctor in a previous life I could discuss all my surgeries with him in great depth and he understood what I was on about! How middle-aged is that?

So, Harry was cracking, lots of great gags, then the inimitable Ronnie Golden was on, and although I've known him forever, it was the first time I'd seen him live too. He was fantastic! Then it was me. I was sooooo nervous! No reason to be tho, as always, it was a cracking gig. I love that club!

Today I go to Leeds to do my favourite Jongleurs, and it's a mammoth run, five shows, four nights, great line-up, I'm MC'ing, gorgeous hotel and brilliant shops!!!!!! I am soooooooooooooo excited!!!!!!!!

Whatever you guys are up to this weekend, enjoy it x

Marathon Weekend!

No I didn't run around London, but it feels like I did a marathon. It seems like years since I was in my flat!

Went to Brum on Thursday and did Jongleurs there that night. It was my first time MC'ing for a month and I really, really, really enjoyed it! The acts were all cracking and it was all fabulous.

Friday morning I was chucked out of the hotel at 11.0am and my train to Cardiff wasn't till 1.30pm, so what's a gal to do? Shop of course! Especially in Birmingham!

I was like a Tasmanian Devil running around. Got two of the Marimekko tops from H&M, fabulous colours, perfect for summer if it ever comes, and less than a tenner each, perfect! Did some sensible vitamin shopping too, but then got my big old treat...a whole hour to kill in TK Maxx!!!!!!!

The Birmingham branch is fabulous, its huge and has tons of great stuff in it usually. I got a fantastic pair of Reebok trainers for £20, all neon pink, green and black with like a mesh upper so that you can wear em without socks and they won't stink. They're a bit big but sod it, they look fab.

The Cross Country service to Cardiff is offically a really shit service, it took close to three hours and two different trains to get there, when it shoulda been one train and two hours - no wonder Virgin have taken their name off the sides of the trains on this service!

For reasons unknown, the hotel was switched at the last minute and instead of the gorgeous Marriott, right in the centre of town, near the shops, station and gig, we were shoved in the Future Inn down on the Bay - a £7 cab ride to and from the gig, and town and the station. Made for an expensive weekend!

I was on second both nights and to be really honest I can't say I enjoyed the gigs all that much. I never play the 'I'm a girl card' but the combination of some of the other comics and the abundance of stag parties, and lack of security made it a really blokey night both nights. I felt like I had no right to be on that stage as a woman...it was like I'd been transported back to the 50's!

It was only the fact that I am a f**king good comedian that stopped me from dying either night, and the casual observer would've said I had two good gigs, I guess I just want it to be more than 'good'. I'm not happy settling for second best, but there truly is only so much I can do, the audience and the venue have a part to play too.

I did have a great day out on Saturday tho with the lovely Smug Roberts and his gorgeous missus who I haven't seen for about two years. We went to St Fagans which has a castle (of sorts) and a museum of Welsh Life. I'd been before with Jeff Innocent years ago, but it was a sunny day and a lovely change from ransacking Primark! It was also fantastic to be able to catch up with Smug, who is soon to be seen in a new movie by Ken Loach! How fabulous!

Right off to get the dressings removed for the last time from my wounds -its all healing brilliantly - and if there's time, ransack Primark!

Last Night

I was lucky enough to be invited to go to the Teenage Cancer Trust comedy night at the Royal Albert Hall.

Hosted by Noel Fielding, and featuring as he put it his 'friends, who are basically a bunch of freaks'. It sure wasn't the kinda comedy night I'm used to performing at! I was really glad I wasn't on the bill boy!

The audience were 90% Mighty Boosh fans and 10% people who wanted a laugh and to contribute to a brilliant cause. The Booshies only laughed at comedians who'd been on the TV show, which meant an agonising 10 minutes that felt like an hour for at least one poor f**ker.

Razorlight did an unplugged version of America (which I like) and another song (which I don't), Noel did tons of stand-up in an assortment of fabulous outfits, and was just generally as charming and lovely as he always has been.

I remember him and Julian from when they first started out, before they got together, and they've just always been top blokes. It was funny seeing the double takes they both did when they saw me last night... I guess I do look a bit different!

So this morning I am all excited cos I get to do a bit more travelling this weekend. Tonight it's Birmingham Jongleurs and tomorrow and Saturday Cardiff. There's two fabulous hotels laid on, which is a bonus after the dirty Ibis in Leicester last weekend, I'm looking forward to having a nice soak in the bath, and hanging out with some cool people.

Whatever you're up to, make the most of it xx

Back With A Vengeance!

Soooooo after almost a whole month off work I was more than a little apprehensive about going back onstage last Thursday. I wasn't sure what material would work, could I still get away with moaning about being old when I don't really look old anymore?

I was doing a weekend at Leicester Jongleurs, doing a set each night, and actually headlining the shows on Friday and Saturday. Talk about pressure!

A few minutes before I went onstage on Thursday night, I got a call asking me to do my set there and then jump in a cab to Nottingham and close the show there cos one of the acts had been taken ill. I said yes, and then freaked out...in at the deep end or what?!?!?!?!?

Had a lovely time on second in Leicester, and had fun closing Nottingham too! So much for my worries! In a way it was the best thing that could've happened cos it got the 'closing the show' nerves out of the way early, and that meant that I could relax on Friday and Saturday.

It's been a while since I stayed in Leicester, and I had a good old wander round the shops on Friday and hung out with our excellent MC Martin Bigpig. The shows were all the better for having him at the helm.

Friday night was fun, but Saturday night was phenomenal! I was onstage for 30 minutes and in that time I did about 10 minutes of material! The rest was ad-libbed and I just enjoyed myself soooooooo much!

I hadn't realised how much I'd missed being a comedian!

It's good to be back.

Speed

Life just seems to be speeding up. I can't remember when I last had an hour to just do nothing whatsoever! Still better than sitting twiddling my thumbs 24/7 eh?

So I had a few days up North with my Dad, then went to Chelmsford to do a gig last night with the lovely Harvey Oliver MC'ing...he was soooooo funny! Had me in stitches! Today I'm off to Portsmouth for a couple of shows and I'm really looking forward to both the gigs and hitting the shops in Gunwharf Quays.

Next week sees me running around even more as I prepare for the big old surgery session on the 11th...I am sooo excited!

Rush Job

Time is not on my side, dear readers, so here's a quick catch up.

The gigs in Bristol this past weekend were fantastic. It was a cracking line-up including Harvey Oliver who I haven't seen in ages and who was brilliant! David Haddingham was headling and as always delivered the goods and then some, and he gave me a lift home bless his little cotton socks. I even got to see Steve Best who I haven't even seen to say hi to for about 3 years...he was as splendidly daft as ever...fabulous.

The hotel was really rubbish sadly, the staff were fantastic, but even for an Ibis it was spectacularly shit...shame. The Bristol branch of TK Maxx was a hit tho, with me getting a fantastic pair of Lee jeans and a yoga mat at extremely knock down prices, plus a very Stella McCartney pink frock for £30 as opposed to her £300 one.

Had a little trip to Harvey Nicks yesterday, to check out the new Mulberry Roxanne patent tote but sadly they only had it in black and I want the shiny red one! A first for me, I actually left my name on the waiting list. Wandering around the rest of the shop - still a novelty for me as three of the floors were out of bounds for sooooooo much of my life - I found myself distracted by a beautiful red and white, flouncy, flowery Marc Jacobs frock. Next thing I knew I was trying it on and paying for it cos it looked soooooooo gorgeous on me. This was followed by the purchase of an amazing blue and silver Pauric Sweeny handbag... I got out before I could inflict any more damage! They are both faaaaabulous tho.

This morning I was up at the crack of dawn cos I'm off to do the family thing up north for a couple of days... check ya laters folks xx

Beside The Seaside

That's me in about 3 hours' time! I'd doing a gig at the Theatre Royal in Margate tonight and as I've never been there before, I'm gonna go early and check out the beach... life is good.

Nine and a Half Days...

... off the fags!

Hats off to Allen Carr! It's now been nine and a half days since I smoked my last ever cigarette, and I'm still going strong! It's the best way ever to quit!

I was working in the Isle of Man last night with Phil Butler and Brian Higgins, and all three of us were non-smokers! Phil's a fellow Carr devotee, and has been clean for just over two weeks, Brian's doing the nicotine patches. Phil had his copy of the audiobook CDs with him which he gave to Brian to upload onto his laptop, expect him to be free and clean soon too!

The gig was great fun, all three of us had a wonderful time. I really have a renewed zest for life these days...it's great!

Off to MC Bow Jongleurs tonight and tomorrow, and I can't wait!

...And The Start Of A New One!

So how was your New Year's Eve? I hope you had fun.

I saw in 2008 with a glass of pink Tattinger courtesy of Lee, the manager of the Glee Club in Cardiff, and it was fantastic!

The gig was just one of those perfectly, smoothly run nights. The club was rammed, full of really great people who just wanted to laugh and have a good time. My fellow comedians - Jarred Christmas, Jon Richardson and Mark Watson - all kicked comedy ass, and none of the sequins fell off my frock so it was just wonderful.

The next morning I felt the effects of the champagne, but I still managed to get showered and catch my train. The journey home was painless - First Great Western were probably the only train company running a decent service!

On Wednesday I went to see the doctor, I'm having some surgery in March and I have to be a non-smoker to have the best chances of healing afterwards, so she gave me a prescription for a new pill called Champix, that's supposed to make giving up easier. The idea is that once they're in your system, if you do smoke it makes you feel sick, but you don't go cold turkey which was great news! I took the first pill this morning, and I can't say its had any effect but aparently it takes a few days.

I would love to be a non-smoker, I'm getting fed up of freezing my ass off nipping out for a smoke when I'm working, and I hate the fact that I am still addicted to something that isn't good for me. Add to that the cost, I could buy a whole new wardrobe in Primark every week with what I spend on cigarettes.

The main fear I have is that I will begin to eat more, I lost nine and a half stones last year and the last thing I want now is to begin nibbling at food as a replacement. Obviously since my gastric bypass I cannot eat anything like the amounts I used to, but I could still eat more than I currently do, so being aware is half the battle I guess. Perhaps I'll take up knitting!

Talking of gastric bypasses, I watched that horrific documentary on C4 last night called The Half Ton Mum. How tragic was her story????? A 29 year old mother of two gorgeous girls, who had gotten herself up to 64 stones! The irony of her situation was that only a gastric bypass could give her a chance of survival, but she was waaaaaaay over the safe weight to qualify for one! She did eventually find a surgeon willing to perform the operation, but by then I guess her poor heart was on it's last legs. Initially she recovered well, losing four stones in the two weeks after surgery, but then she suffered a massive heart attack and died. How fucking heartbreaking.

One of the experts said that the chance came too late really for her, if she'd been able to get the op a few years earlier she'd still be alive. That's what prompted me to push for mine, I was about a third of her weight, when I had mine, but ending up like that poor woman was my biggest fear for the future. Every single morning I give thanks to the Buddha for empowering me to push and push and push to get the surgery that I believe has given me not so much my old life back as given me a brand new life. If there is anyone out there reading this who needs the op and qualifies for it, then my advice is to go for it.

Phew that was a bit intense eh?

So today I finally got my brand new bed. I figured that after eight years of heavy weight on it, my old one was ready for the skip. I got a great deal on a gorgeous one from Marks and Sparks of all places, with a fabulous orthopedic mattress. The delivery guys arrived nice and early, and gawd bless them, they dismantled my old one and put the new one together for me. I do love being a girl!

I'm all excited tonight, one because I get to sleep in the new bed, and two cos in the morning I go and get my eyebrows tattooed on! I had the consultation a couple of weeks ago and loved the effect, so tomorrow it will be permanent. I can't wait! I just hope she doesn't flip out and make em look like Lea's from Big Brother!

After that I'm off to Nottingham for a weekend of gigging, ligging and jiggy-jigging, well gigging anyway. Whatever you guys are up to, hope you have fun.